Lost in the Dark

The sun is the color of ink
when it spills
drip
drop
drip
its essence covers my soul
It's like I've been
renewed
but with a twist
Thrown
in the alley
wasting away
no,
more like in the storm clouds
a dark kind of heaven
where the light
comes from burning
bodies and hatred
where bliss comes from
a simple slit
with a knife
or a burn
from the fire
where happiness
comes from the vanquishing
of all things
we thought was great
The safe place
where we can harm ourselves
without criticism
Everything is dark
no color
it has been drained out
to those foolish enough
to actually enjoy life
instead ruining yourself for
not being perfect enough
expressing
the only outlook we have
dark
a smile only arises
when we have accomplished
the daily cutting routine
cut, wipe razor, hide razor, band aid
when we finally come back to
all things wonderful and happy
ha, rubbish
and people actually can live with themselves
my friends in the dark heaven
they wonder
how is it
these people
can see the good in things
I nod and listen
I understand
but my secret is
before i felt the first cut
I lived here, too
and honestly
I enyy those who have never inflicted pain on themselves
because they have never had to
because they never needed reassurance
that they were alive and here
alas, once i picked up that blade
and cut my longing wrist, which needed a glimpse of touch
I was lost in the dark
and I can't find my way out

help me, please