Deliverance

I left God behind; or he left me behind
Either way, I don't quibble over the details

There was once a time
When my universe was inhabited
By all manner of specters and spooks
Lingering residue of a Catholic youth

I read the meandering gospels
In all their asymmetrical splendor
Listened as Jesus spoke
In riddles and beatitudes
In direct opposition to the will to life
Watched as he died for the sins of the world
The height of altruistic presumption

I cowered in the shadows
Of the confessional
Awaiting pardon for my humanity

Sat restlessly through the monotony of the mass
With its wafting incense
And dark nights of the soul
Presided over by corpulent priests
With their liberal celibacy and fraudulent chastity

I accepted the host
Fashioned by the devious hands of man
Yet transubstantiated in my presence
Melting dryly upon my profane tongue
With no cathartic or exculpatory effect

Never the fulfillment of the
Kingdom of heaven within
No door open to me despite knocking
Finding nothing despite seeking
No miracle have I ever witnessed
No prayer ever answered
Because the vast firmament
Is indifferent and unresponsive to our vain petitions
Beyond the sky is only more sky

Thirteen years of enforced redemption
And mandatory salvation
Then...Like a true epiphany
I discovered reason and logic
The isolate power and authority
Of the unbridled human intellect
Next to it all gods paled and dissolved
This was my mind boundless and free

This
Was
Deliverance.