(5/27/19)

I want to stop feeling embarrassed by    
myself, the way I always do when I try    
to step out of my shell, this egg shell,    
this bluebird egg shell still cracking into    
pieces  when I daydream thoughts of    
myself envisioning myself a language    
but not so much seeing as i am    
becoming as I am still not yet, nor    
seeing my body myself as I am, but as I    
was.  Now all together I take estrogen    
then for what other people navigate    
ordinarily extemporizing themselves    
through the states of "Hello".  My facial    
expressions, eyes – negative results –    
moving not so fast.  Finally is it possible    
to justify yourself?  To justify being?  To    
be just be    
     
Is this, in fact, because now you're more    
whole a person for and filled with spirit    
which is  Where  is the best way to sense    
what they see and to learn what they    
know  how  What is it all about, all    
around  Through  the eyes of others    
Unspoken views  Body languages    
Imitate yourself  and  Copy and Paste to    
feel about  "Growing up  On estrogen to    
feel,  really,  for the first time in this life    
Or am I all really still just a bad joke not    
   
Knowing how to smile?  All the stories    
of yourself about to other people.  Can I    
relate to people  Now  I am on estrogen,    
men, women, workmen, what is my    
natural environment?  Time?  Tell    
yourself soothings about all around you    
Keep your eyes open  On the rainbow    
of my being so much better now    
children, cars, plants, animals, rocks    
The ambient environment herself    
   
I don't want to be anyone's anything  I    
just want to be myself  Me  myself  To    
just   To have friends  A meaningful    
life  To be a love  and  This shell is    
cracking but must I crack with it?