Yelp Review

Last time I went out for a meal  
It cost more than the tab  
Diarrhea on the docket
And skid marks in the cab  
I was up all night hunched over  
Heaving out all that was left  
What a way to spend an evening  
My compliments to the chef  
 
Cold sweats inside my bedroom  
And fevered toilet dreams  
I never should have followed fish  
With chocolate chip ice cream  
An entire pint of bourbon  
Was a mistake I must confess  
Lord, just get me to tomorrow  
My compliments to the chef  
 
Twitching at the shadows  
Just can’t keep anything down  
The last 24 hours lost  
In a haze of green and brown  
I’m watching Dawson’s Creek reruns  
Bedridden and depressed  
Won’t somebody come and shoot me  
My compliments to the chef  
 
The ceiling changes color  
Just like my white dress pants  
I’d do it all so differently  
If given half a chance  
The way that I’ve been shitting  
There’s no point in getting dressed  
Gonna sleep in this here shower  
My compliments to the chef  
 
Send a priest or send a rabbi  
If they can stand the smell  
Help me get to heaven  
And escape this waking hell  
My intestines want to kill me  
All my innards are distressed  
I’m praying for a quick death  
My compliments to the chef