broken

sometimes I feel I can't cope well
no hookups can fix this
feel like in hell
not even a kiss

I should have moved on from this six years ago
but it was a bad cycle of on and off
you wanted me to go with the flow
I keep thinking the more healing I do the more it will pay off

my emotions are like numb I can't feel
I lost myself
this can't be real
hope this is a Farwell

I don't know who I am
I thought drinking would solve it
I am in a jam
last night I threw I fit

I can go with the flow with one person sad to say
maybe because everything seems so natural with that person
I keep my feelings at bay
my mental health has worsen

maybe because I feel broken and cant trust
I know my coping style is not good
maybe what I feel is just lust
maybe I'm toxic even in my adulthood

I just need time to go through what I'm feeling
I understand what I do in the past was bad
never got to do my healing
I'm the only one sad

but this time around I didn't do anything to you
I think did you do this in a way to get back at me
you through it at me when you're mad at me
I was blind now I see

we were never gonna work
because you can't hurt me in so many ways
you just stand their and smirk
I'm in a daze

because what I did to you was unforgivable
which was I left you and got pregnant by someone else
you're so critical

so forever more I will be the bad one
and will be judge for this
so there you won
I will go into the abyss