death of self

push your flaccid penis
into a mouth i try my best
to keep close; my best being
insufficient, as usual.
get hard in me. i hate it.
i like it. i hate myself. i like
the end of myself. get me hard.
make me want to cum. pick up
the revolver you brought it.
a shot for each orgasm: my choice.
i want to cum. i want to die.
i consent. the bullet enters
my skull as you cum in me
as i cum too. i am dead. i like that.