this is the story of my life

lord,
i am on my knees
i do not want to die
i beg you, please
help me to survive

i lost my father
when i was 10
then my angry
step-dad moved in
he thought it was ok
to touch me at night
i was so scared
i said alright
a beating was ok
here or there
if i didn't do my chores
it was fair

when i was 16
i tried methadone
no one made me
i did it on my own
it made me feel good
helped me to escape
from my horrible step-dad
that made me feel raped

at 18 i got pregnant
by the love of my life
i lost the baby
but became his wife
a year later
my son was born
this gave me something
to live for

i don't know why
this happened next
but i tried oxycontin
was hooked & needed that fix
i started playing
the drug dealer game
this brought my family
so much shame
i lost my doctors
and all that i had
that was when i did real bad
i broke into the pharmacy
up the road
to steal pills & money
and pay dealers i owed
this was the first time
i landed in jail
also when my life
really became hell

i started college
but dropped out fast
i would run out of pills
i couldn't make them last
then the withdrawal
would kick in
vomiting, body aches
and uncontrollable shakes
when would it end

i was over this life and living this way
but first i would have to stay away
from all the pills that would play
with my mind each day
so at 20 i got on suboxone
i thought it was great
this turned out to be
my biggest mistake

4 years later i am off it all
but at any moment i could fall
now i have a beautiful baby girl
and finally, instead of drugs,
my kids are my world
it is hard to admit
the mistakes i have made
i am aware of all the pain
but im trying to change

so lord,
i am on my knees
i do not want to die
i am begging you, please
help me to survive