deepundergroundpoetry.com
HIS FUNERAL SONG
my fire
is burnt
low
and blue,
meager
'gainst this
creepin' cold
and my spark
is cool as ash,
its light
filtered through
these clouds
and all my
whispered prayers
and incantations
are mist and fog
'gainst this
what cannot be
deflected
and her,
jus' one more
in the ground --
my brother, my mama,
and now my sweet girl
and then it's just
ol' me' standin'
with suit pants baggin'
and knees worn
and jacket and tie
like i'm dressed for it
already
is burnt
low
and blue,
meager
'gainst this
creepin' cold
and my spark
is cool as ash,
its light
filtered through
these clouds
and all my
whispered prayers
and incantations
are mist and fog
'gainst this
what cannot be
deflected
and her,
jus' one more
in the ground --
my brother, my mama,
and now my sweet girl
and then it's just
ol' me' standin'
with suit pants baggin'
and knees worn
and jacket and tie
like i'm dressed for it
already
Published 26th May 2020
Author's Note
No deaths, thank goodness, in my family right now, but I see it often where I work. My father in law is declining at age 83. I'm a bit of a codger myself, so I think about it more often than I used to.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 2
comments 8
reads 461
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th May 2020 5:20pm
You have a knack for cutting everything down to just the absolute bare minimum. Your word choices are just stunning.
Normally I get annoyed by dialect in the written word. But here, and another one you’ve written, it’s endearing and needed. Maybe I just don’t like it in prose. I think in prose I just get annoyed because you’re trying to figure out what they said. Even if you speak the dialect.
Anyway, this is lovely in its melancholy. Well done.
Normally I get annoyed by dialect in the written word. But here, and another one you’ve written, it’s endearing and needed. Maybe I just don’t like it in prose. I think in prose I just get annoyed because you’re trying to figure out what they said. Even if you speak the dialect.
Anyway, this is lovely in its melancholy. Well done.
26th May 2020 5:45pm
Thank you so much, DaisyGrace.
I can see how reading attempts at dialect can be annoying. I think I just love the musical qualities I hear in speech and try to translate some of that into what I write.
I can be clumsy, though, when trying.
Thanks again for your kind comments.
Always appreciated.
J.
I can see how reading attempts at dialect can be annoying. I think I just love the musical qualities I hear in speech and try to translate some of that into what I write.
I can be clumsy, though, when trying.
Thanks again for your kind comments.
Always appreciated.
J.
26th May 2020 6:34pm
Loss catches up with us all these days, got me already.. I just check the obits and if I’m not there it’s a good day! I know this sounds cavalier J.but if you don’t have a sense of humor you’ll be crying all the time. Excellent write. Great feeling! T.
26th May 2020 6:50pm
I know what you mean. It's almost always a better day if you don't see your name among the obits.
Thanks so much, T. Your comments are so appreciated.
J.
Thanks so much, T. Your comments are so appreciated.
J.
26th May 2020 7:32pm
27th May 2020 1:11pm
27th May 2020 4:05am
Dear J,
Super perceptive and emotional piece. I think once we all cross a certain rubicon these thoughts pervade our mind and it’s difficult not to let that happen. It’s a great write I really like your story-telling style of approach. It moved like a very singable motif.
H🌷
Super perceptive and emotional piece. I think once we all cross a certain rubicon these thoughts pervade our mind and it’s difficult not to let that happen. It’s a great write I really like your story-telling style of approach. It moved like a very singable motif.
H🌷
27th May 2020 1:40pm
