Origami

I’m looking for love in origami paper hearts  
Checking all the folds only to find out later I ripped them,  
I can’t explain how hard it is for me to be gentle, I’ll speak about it until my lungs are empty  
My hands were made to break things, my fingers shake  
They grip things to hard, so hard most things rip  
I hoped for anything but this  
I hoped for living in the moment    
And loving the things we could control  
   
And then my brain rewired, wrote everything again in a different language and I couldn’t understand it  
So I pushed and pushed and then I pulled you to me again  
And I pushed you away, as if it was a game and I think you’re playing too but I think your game is different and I don’t think you understand what game you’re even playing    
I wished for things to just be simple between us  
As if we could just hold each other and love each other without the stubborn attachment love brings    
I think if we could have  just pretending dthis was something different than it was it would have been okay    
And god fuxking damn it it almost was  
I could never understand the irrational thought of psychotic girls, their brains are a swish and a swirl and they’ll bring you to your knees, bring you to climax and then tell you to fuck right off  
I never thought I was psychotic    
I emphasize how badly I don’t want to look it, seem it, but deep down my psychotic is something you wish you could experience and immediately regret it  
It’s like taking a turn to fast and hearing your wheels squeal  
Like I thought this was something different because we presented it as such    
But underneath all of the glue    
It’s the same origami heart I ripped in the beginning.