"Pardon Me, I'm Just Picking Up Pieces"

Following behind like rat in the sewers,
looking for scraps and bits of things that were me,
the remnants,
burnt papers I left behind as a trail so I can go back,
I'm not fighting the words you scrawl or the thoughts you think,
almost emotionless as I read each syllable down to the curve,
cursing my mother for taking extreme measures,
dragging thin blades down my skin because no one will stop me,
not that I want them to.

Feet trail along side a group of friends,
look in your direction and I am betrayed by my heart for stopping when I see you cry,
the rush I get from feeling you enter the room,
it's like a drug but I don't feel that high,
I'm not playing victim just being selfish like always,
my head doesn't loom to blame you,
my heart only aches when you set your lips upon his,
you want to see me miserable?

Fine.

Every part of us that's been torn down by my hands,
ashes scatter across the open floor,
wind whips against a cracking spine and tumbling lungs,
like beats of drums I strike against those feelings for you,
open my eyes and suddenly I cry,
I fake it so well that God himself can't tell,
somehow you always seem to see right through my mask,
that was something I loved about you.

I am not breathing,
neither are you,
are we really dying like so?

I'll give you as much space you'll ever need,
when my eyes reach you my feet might just backtrack away,
at first I wanted you to think I was better,
that I wasn't upset about any of it,
that's something I tend to do a lot,
mash the gravel into my stomach and blind me with nails.

Demons deep inside want to break against walls of metal,
they swear they once belonged to me,
now it is I that belongs to them those inner caves,
no longer seeing you even though if I were to die your face is the last I would ever want to see,
--loathing those words against something too old now,
by the way.

You're right.

Now I lost my little green heart,
tearing each path apart to find it,
so if you DO see my figure wandering around you somewhere...

Pardon me, I'm just picking up pieces.