deepundergroundpoetry.com
HOW I PRAY
HOW I PRAY
When l pray, l want to feel the thoughts
that l say are what the Lord would hear.
Words should come directly from my heart,
where God lives and knows all that l feel.
I request the pleas that give me rest
that transport my soul to obscure joy.
I perceive that l have gained something
which l fear to lose, so l conceal.
When l go to work, l feel so light.
I can fly like birds though my job's hard.
I conceive l have a wealth so vast
though my jacket's old and full of darns.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
When l pray, l want to feel the thoughts
that l say are what the Lord would hear.
Words should come directly from my heart,
where God lives and knows all that l feel.
I request the pleas that give me rest
that transport my soul to obscure joy.
I perceive that l have gained something
which l fear to lose, so l conceal.
When l go to work, l feel so light.
I can fly like birds though my job's hard.
I conceive l have a wealth so vast
though my jacket's old and full of darns.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 27th Feb 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Feb 2020 8:53pm
That final verse is just beautiful, JZ. Very heartfelt demonstrating what true wealth is.
29th Feb 2020 9:59pm
27th Feb 2020 9:04pm
Dear Ahavati,
Thank you very much for your kind comment. I appreciate it very much.
Thank you very much for your kind comment. I appreciate it very much.
29th Feb 2020 11:32pm
27th Feb 2020 9:36pm
If God lives in my heart and knows
before I do the things I want or feel,
why then do I believe that I must word
my inner feelings, my desires
within a pleading prayer?
Most surely, he’s not deaf.
And why don’t I conceive
that an attempt upon my part
to hide from him, conceal, my deepest thoughts,
my joy, even if obscure,
would be an effort that’s absurd?
Perhaps I am embarrassed by
what on the sly I think I need,
and fear that if I spoke out loud
and cried to him for some relief
from all the cravings that I have for inner peace,
he’d see me then not as a man
but as a spoiled and whiny child
and pay me little heed.
Instead, I’ll go to work in rags.
before I do the things I want or feel,
why then do I believe that I must word
my inner feelings, my desires
within a pleading prayer?
Most surely, he’s not deaf.
And why don’t I conceive
that an attempt upon my part
to hide from him, conceal, my deepest thoughts,
my joy, even if obscure,
would be an effort that’s absurd?
Perhaps I am embarrassed by
what on the sly I think I need,
and fear that if I spoke out loud
and cried to him for some relief
from all the cravings that I have for inner peace,
he’d see me then not as a man
but as a spoiled and whiny child
and pay me little heed.
Instead, I’ll go to work in rags.
Some questions:
"I request the pleas that give me rest"
So you are petitioning petitions? From whom? And which pleas are the ones that give you rest? If you meant to say "I want the words I use to be ones that secure for me the rest I seek", you haven't done so.
And which of all the joys that a "soul" might experience are the obscure ones? How would a sou; know that it is experiencing joy if that joy is obscure?
And what do these verses:
When l go to work, l feel so light.
I can fly like birds though my job's hard.
I conceive l have a wealth so vast
though my jacket's old and full of darns.
have to do with how you pray?
"I request the pleas that give me rest"
So you are petitioning petitions? From whom? And which pleas are the ones that give you rest? If you meant to say "I want the words I use to be ones that secure for me the rest I seek", you haven't done so.
And which of all the joys that a "soul" might experience are the obscure ones? How would a sou; know that it is experiencing joy if that joy is obscure?
And what do these verses:
When l go to work, l feel so light.
I can fly like birds though my job's hard.
I conceive l have a wealth so vast
though my jacket's old and full of darns.
have to do with how you pray?
28th Feb 2020 4:20pm
Some Questions
"I request the pleas that give me rest"
"So you are petitioning petitions? From whom? And which pleas are the ones that give you rest? If you meant to say "I want the words I use to be ones that secure for me the rest I seek", you haven't done so. "
I think while your criticisms of JZ are in some ways your pride displaying how insightful you like to be, maybe in this prayer you might find more answers in the bible? Prayer is not a perfect science of crafted words, the Holy Spirit helps to transmit what is truly in our hearts.
As for rest:
Mathew 11:28-Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest
Exodus 33: And he said, My presence shall go [with thee], and I will give thee rest
Mark 6:31And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while:
and many many more speak to rest..
As for the rest of your questions, as poignant (designed to make an impression) as you feel they may be, can be interpreted by the reader in more than one way, and if he (JZ) is bringing them forth through from the Holy Spirit, they may be designed for just that. Maybe find more of your own answers in the Word, and in prayers of your own?
28th Feb 2020 5:24pm
I'm not sure how your cherry-picked biblical citations about what is in our hearts or what prayer is or what it supposedly does show that my remarks about the lack of clarity and the incongruity of how JZ speaks about **how** he prays are off the mark. Nor do your guesses at what motivates me to make them have any relevance for, or speak to, the issues I raised about whether **what** JZ says is well written. If you want to chastise me, do so over what I said about the way JZ writes, not over things I did not say.
28th Feb 2020 4:22pm
28th Feb 2020 7:45pm
Please tell me not only how and why this does not get closer to what you were apparently trying to say than what you actually said does, but how and why it is not more poetical than your piece is.
I want to know
of all the thoughts I pray to thee,
no matter if in form they are articulated
by my tongue and voiced aloud
or stay within my heart
as wordless groans and whisperings
might be the ones
you want to hear
and which are those
that will not ever touch your ear.
Please tell me, God.
I want your promised rest,
but don't know what to say
to have it now bestowed on me.
Perhaps if I address you as
my Pater, Lord, and act as if you are
I will be doing all I really need to do
to then be looked upon by you
as worthy of your grace.
I want to know
of all the thoughts I pray to thee,
no matter if in form they are articulated
by my tongue and voiced aloud
or stay within my heart
as wordless groans and whisperings
might be the ones
you want to hear
and which are those
that will not ever touch your ear.
Please tell me, God.
I want your promised rest,
but don't know what to say
to have it now bestowed on me.
Perhaps if I address you as
my Pater, Lord, and act as if you are
I will be doing all I really need to do
to then be looked upon by you
as worthy of your grace.
29th Feb 2020 1:55pm
"Please tell me not only how and why this does not get closer to what you were apparently trying to say than what you actually said does, but how and why it is not more poetical than your piece is."
Again I see your criticisms as a boast not really guidance or benefit. But I will say your piece is a lovely prayer and express a wonderful plea for rest and guidance as well.
Again I see your criticisms as a boast not really guidance or benefit. But I will say your piece is a lovely prayer and express a wonderful plea for rest and guidance as well.
How can criticisms not be a guide to writing well if they note the ways one should not write if a "poet" is to avoid taking people out of their work and to make readers see with one's eyes shut?
And how can you say on the one hand that I do not give guidance and then say on the other that the piece I posted does just that?
In any case, here's a slight revision of my piece. Perhaps, after reading it, you'll actually answer the questions I asked about it.
I want to know --
of all the thoughts I pray to thee,
no matter if they play
upon my tongue,
become articulate
and voiced aloud,
or stay within my heart
as wordless groans and whisperings --
oh which, if any, of them are
the ones
you’ll want to hear
and which are those
you might forbid
to ever touch your ear.
Please tell me, God.
I want your promised rest,
but do not know just what to say
to have it now bestowed on me.
Perhaps if I address you as
my Pater, Lord, and act as if you are,
I will be doing all I really need to do
to then be looked upon by you
as worthy of your grace.
And how can you say on the one hand that I do not give guidance and then say on the other that the piece I posted does just that?
In any case, here's a slight revision of my piece. Perhaps, after reading it, you'll actually answer the questions I asked about it.
I want to know --
of all the thoughts I pray to thee,
no matter if they play
upon my tongue,
become articulate
and voiced aloud,
or stay within my heart
as wordless groans and whisperings --
oh which, if any, of them are
the ones
you’ll want to hear
and which are those
you might forbid
to ever touch your ear.
Please tell me, God.
I want your promised rest,
but do not know just what to say
to have it now bestowed on me.
Perhaps if I address you as
my Pater, Lord, and act as if you are,
I will be doing all I really need to do
to then be looked upon by you
as worthy of your grace.
28th Feb 2020 7:51pm
Very dear Tig,
Thank you very much for your very kind comment. It is an encouragement to me especially when it comes from you as a person who lives Christianity.
Thank you very much for your very kind comment. It is an encouragement to me especially when it comes from you as a person who lives Christianity.
Dear Baldwin,
1- Don't you think after: groans and whispering, you should have a full stop?
2- whispers: can be countable, plural, but whispering: is a gerund, which should be uncountable, so you can't say whisperings.
3-oh which: should be the beginning of a new sentence and start with a capital letter.
4-if any of them are the ones: should have a comma after the if clause.
5-...and act as if you are: shouldn't you have a comma after the if clause?
1- Don't you think after: groans and whispering, you should have a full stop?
2- whispers: can be countable, plural, but whispering: is a gerund, which should be uncountable, so you can't say whisperings.
3-oh which: should be the beginning of a new sentence and start with a capital letter.
4-if any of them are the ones: should have a comma after the if clause.
5-...and act as if you are: shouldn't you have a comma after the if clause?
"Don't you think after: groans and whispering, you should have a full stop?"
Yes. But why have you placed a colon before "groans"?
"2- whispers: can be countable, plural, but whispering: is a gerund, which should be uncountable, so you can't say whisperings."
Actually, as the OED, notes, "whispering" is a noun and **is** something that's countable.
whispering, n.
Pronunciation: /ˈhwɪspərɪŋ/
Etymology: formed as whisper v. + -ing suffix1.
1. The action of speaking in a whisper; speech without vibration of the vocal cords; whispered talk or conversation.
c975 Rushw. Gosp. John vii. 12 Hwisprunge micle [L. murmur multum] wæs..in ðreote.
1412–20 J. Lydgate tr. Hist. Troy i. 2785 Whan sche heryth wispring eny-where.
1526 W. Bonde Pylgrimage of Perfection iii. sig. HHHvv Noyse or whisperyng with the lyppes.
a1616 W. Shakespeare Winter's Tale (1623) i. ii. 286 Is whispering nothing? Is leaning Cheeke to Cheeke?
1740 S. Richardson Pamela II. 375 I was much less concern'd..at the Gazings and Whisperings of the Ladies and Gentlemen.
1837 C. Dickens Pickwick Papers xxviii. 296 After a little whispering with the other young ladies.
1849 A. M. Bell New Elucidation Princ. Speech & Elocution 136 This whispering of the Voice Articulations is a remarkable characteristic of Welsh speakers.
(Hide quotations)
2. The action of saying or reporting something quietly or secretly; suggestion or insinuation (by whispered speech); faint mention or rumour; esp. (obsolete or archaic) malicious insinuation, secret slander or detraction, backbiting.
c1384 G. Chaucer Hous of Fame iii. 868 That place..filde ful of tydynges Other lovde or of wisprynges.
c1450 Mirk's Festial 279 Now hit ys made an hous..of whisperyng and rownyng.
1526 Bible (Tyndale) 2 Cor. xii. 20 I feare lest there be founde amonge you..whisperynges, swellynges and debate.
1547 W. Thomas Wks. (1774) i. 115 He had herd a whysperyng amonge the souldieres how the sayde Earle..had gotten promes of ayde.
1548 Hall's Vnion: Richard III f. liij Sekynge after his compaygnie and yet not once herynge any noyse or whysperynge of theim.
a1586 Sir P. Sidney Arcadia (1590) iii. vii. sig. Mm2 Bold onely in busie whisperings, and euen in that whisperingnes rather indeed confident in his cunning, that it should not be bewraied.
a1616 W. Shakespeare Macbeth (1623) v. i. 68 Foule whisp'rings are abroad.
1739 tr. C. Rollin Anc. Hist. (ed. 2) IV. 104 By false reports, whispering, and calumny.
1842 P. F. Tytler Hist. Scotl. VIII. ii. 85 Rumours of war, and whisperings of the intrigues and conspiracies.
So, too, Collins: https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/whispering
NOUN
2. the act of one who whispers
3. something whispered; whispered sound, speech, etc.
So one can indeed say "whisperings".
"3-oh which: should be the beginning of a new sentence and start with a capital letter."
But it's **not** the beginning of a new sentence. It's the continuation of the "I want to know ... which of ...
"4-if any of them are the ones: should have a comma after the if clause".
Yes, after "any' but not after "ones". I mispunctuated that line.
"5-...and act as if you are: shouldn't you have a comma after the if clause?"
Yes, it should.
But these notes on usage and punctuation speak only to the orthography of the piece. The do not speak to the request I made to you, namely, "Please tell me not only how and why this (piece of mine) does not get closer to what you were apparently trying to say than what you actually said does, but how and why it is not more poetical than your piece is."
Yes. But why have you placed a colon before "groans"?
"2- whispers: can be countable, plural, but whispering: is a gerund, which should be uncountable, so you can't say whisperings."
Actually, as the OED, notes, "whispering" is a noun and **is** something that's countable.
whispering, n.
Pronunciation: /ˈhwɪspərɪŋ/
Etymology: formed as whisper v. + -ing suffix1.
1. The action of speaking in a whisper; speech without vibration of the vocal cords; whispered talk or conversation.
c975 Rushw. Gosp. John vii. 12 Hwisprunge micle [L. murmur multum] wæs..in ðreote.
1412–20 J. Lydgate tr. Hist. Troy i. 2785 Whan sche heryth wispring eny-where.
1526 W. Bonde Pylgrimage of Perfection iii. sig. HHHvv Noyse or whisperyng with the lyppes.
a1616 W. Shakespeare Winter's Tale (1623) i. ii. 286 Is whispering nothing? Is leaning Cheeke to Cheeke?
1740 S. Richardson Pamela II. 375 I was much less concern'd..at the Gazings and Whisperings of the Ladies and Gentlemen.
1837 C. Dickens Pickwick Papers xxviii. 296 After a little whispering with the other young ladies.
1849 A. M. Bell New Elucidation Princ. Speech & Elocution 136 This whispering of the Voice Articulations is a remarkable characteristic of Welsh speakers.
(Hide quotations)
2. The action of saying or reporting something quietly or secretly; suggestion or insinuation (by whispered speech); faint mention or rumour; esp. (obsolete or archaic) malicious insinuation, secret slander or detraction, backbiting.
c1384 G. Chaucer Hous of Fame iii. 868 That place..filde ful of tydynges Other lovde or of wisprynges.
c1450 Mirk's Festial 279 Now hit ys made an hous..of whisperyng and rownyng.
1526 Bible (Tyndale) 2 Cor. xii. 20 I feare lest there be founde amonge you..whisperynges, swellynges and debate.
1547 W. Thomas Wks. (1774) i. 115 He had herd a whysperyng amonge the souldieres how the sayde Earle..had gotten promes of ayde.
1548 Hall's Vnion: Richard III f. liij Sekynge after his compaygnie and yet not once herynge any noyse or whysperynge of theim.
a1586 Sir P. Sidney Arcadia (1590) iii. vii. sig. Mm2 Bold onely in busie whisperings, and euen in that whisperingnes rather indeed confident in his cunning, that it should not be bewraied.
a1616 W. Shakespeare Macbeth (1623) v. i. 68 Foule whisp'rings are abroad.
1739 tr. C. Rollin Anc. Hist. (ed. 2) IV. 104 By false reports, whispering, and calumny.
1842 P. F. Tytler Hist. Scotl. VIII. ii. 85 Rumours of war, and whisperings of the intrigues and conspiracies.
So, too, Collins: https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/whispering
NOUN
2. the act of one who whispers
3. something whispered; whispered sound, speech, etc.
So one can indeed say "whisperings".
"3-oh which: should be the beginning of a new sentence and start with a capital letter."
But it's **not** the beginning of a new sentence. It's the continuation of the "I want to know ... which of ...
"4-if any of them are the ones: should have a comma after the if clause".
Yes, after "any' but not after "ones". I mispunctuated that line.
"5-...and act as if you are: shouldn't you have a comma after the if clause?"
Yes, it should.
But these notes on usage and punctuation speak only to the orthography of the piece. The do not speak to the request I made to you, namely, "Please tell me not only how and why this (piece of mine) does not get closer to what you were apparently trying to say than what you actually said does, but how and why it is not more poetical than your piece is."
29th Feb 2020 9:35pm
You surprise me by what you say about whispering.
1-whispering is a noun not gerund.
2- you give examples using whispering without S.
3- After all that, you say that it is correct. Funny. I leave that to the other poets to read and decide.
4- Why do l use colon after groans? To specify the word. I am not using it in my poem.
5- It is not my habit to criticize in such a way, but you have obliged me to do so. From now on, I'll use the same measures that you use against me. I have been teaching English grammar for such a long time, and l'll show you what l can do when l have time.
1-whispering is a noun not gerund.
2- you give examples using whispering without S.
3- After all that, you say that it is correct. Funny. I leave that to the other poets to read and decide.
4- Why do l use colon after groans? To specify the word. I am not using it in my poem.
5- It is not my habit to criticize in such a way, but you have obliged me to do so. From now on, I'll use the same measures that you use against me. I have been teaching English grammar for such a long time, and l'll show you what l can do when l have time.
"You surprise me by what you say about whispering.
1-whispering is a noun not [sic, a] gerund."
Are you questioning the authority of the Oxford English Dictionary?
"2- you give examples using whispering without S."
Did you not see the example from Shakespeare?
"4- Why do l use colon [sic] after groans? To specify the word. I am not using it in my poem."
But I did not ask you why you used **a **colon **after** the word "groans". I asked you why you placed one **before** that word. As you'll see above, what I said was "But why have you placed a colon before "groans"?"
It's becoming more and more clear not only that you are not a careful reader, but that you tend to put words in people's mouths and then go on to disparage them for what they did not say.
Can you name a source that backs up your claim that colons have the function you think they have (which is apparently that of quotation marks) and that they are to be used to do what you do with them?
1-whispering is a noun not [sic, a] gerund."
Are you questioning the authority of the Oxford English Dictionary?
"2- you give examples using whispering without S."
Did you not see the example from Shakespeare?
"4- Why do l use colon [sic] after groans? To specify the word. I am not using it in my poem."
But I did not ask you why you used **a **colon **after** the word "groans". I asked you why you placed one **before** that word. As you'll see above, what I said was "But why have you placed a colon before "groans"?"
It's becoming more and more clear not only that you are not a careful reader, but that you tend to put words in people's mouths and then go on to disparage them for what they did not say.
Can you name a source that backs up your claim that colons have the function you think they have (which is apparently that of quotation marks) and that they are to be used to do what you do with them?
