deepundergroundpoetry.com
Small steps toward nakedness
For that book to lie untouched
no eye to under cover pry
its eager wait unstastisfied
Its shining cover with lipstick sheen
blush of art to advertise what lies within
a strong spine to bend and give
The smell of virgin purity
untouched by others, only ye
that title shouts undress me please
no eye to under cover pry
its eager wait unstastisfied
Its shining cover with lipstick sheen
blush of art to advertise what lies within
a strong spine to bend and give
The smell of virgin purity
untouched by others, only ye
that title shouts undress me please
Published 21st Feb 2020
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Feb 2020 4:11pm
Wow! Great metaphor, slip! There is something about the smell of a new ( and old, for that matter ) book! And the sound/feel when the spine is first cracked!
I know you enjoy honest critique, so here are a few suggestions:
For that book to lie untouched
no eye to [under cover] pry
its eager wait unstastisfied*
First, undercover is one word; however, I do believe uncover would work much better here. Also, there needs to be a comma, or perhaps a conjunction such as or would work. Lastly, watch your spell check: unsatisfied*
For that book to lie untouched
no eye to uncover or pry
its eager wait unsatisfied
. . . . .
The smell of virgin purity
untouched by others, only ye
that title shouts undress me please
There is something about the last two lines that doesn't seem to read as smoothly as the others, slip.
Perhaps
untouched by none but thee
its title shouting, Undress me, please!
I would actually suggest italicizing the quote rather than enclosing it in quotation marks. Play around with it and see how it works! Another great offering! I think you'll be ready to join NaPo in April!
I know you enjoy honest critique, so here are a few suggestions:
For that book to lie untouched
no eye to [under cover] pry
its eager wait unstastisfied*
First, undercover is one word; however, I do believe uncover would work much better here. Also, there needs to be a comma, or perhaps a conjunction such as or would work. Lastly, watch your spell check: unsatisfied*
For that book to lie untouched
no eye to uncover or pry
its eager wait unsatisfied
. . . . .
The smell of virgin purity
untouched by others, only ye
that title shouts undress me please
There is something about the last two lines that doesn't seem to read as smoothly as the others, slip.
Perhaps
untouched by none but thee
its title shouting, Undress me, please!
I would actually suggest italicizing the quote rather than enclosing it in quotation marks. Play around with it and see how it works! Another great offering! I think you'll be ready to join NaPo in April!
