Pages torn from a hustler's journal: 11

 
“If you can’t see the conflict maybe you’re not looking hard enough. If you seriously can’t find conflict in this, maybe the problem is you.” Best post Jiu Jitsu drink line of the night

“Religion is for people who fear hell, spirituality is for people who have been there.” -David Bowie


If there was a fierce monster chasing you everyday, then everyday would be a struggle to survive, a mission to kill the monster so tomorrow could finally come. Otherwise tomorrow is today. The wall of noise I face everyday becomes discernible, individual bricks and panels and layers when I focus, laser optics, hocus pocus, ri-cock-ulous, but close up all those noises are individual clips. Everything pours together and I can sort out patterns. Otherwise it’s a mountain of gray sludge, a wall to take down because I won’t face it my whole life. There’s more than simple surrender. That wall is my monster and it suffocates me, unless I write, create, contemplate until I can break ground, find new plateaus.

Concepts are born when ideas collide. Learning to disagree and remain civil, to hold a frank, nuanced conversation and hold an opposing view allows that path to rise. When ideas collide and new concepts are born the organism enters formless frame. In formlessness the organism is capable of greatest growth. Complex communication, smooth interactions ensure the growth of the myelin sheath. Neurogenesis yields new glial cells, which are promoted when mirror neurons turn on. Stepping outside of your echo chamber and holding space without ego defense, is an exercise in identity dissolution. It’s temporary, but it feels timeless. Your dark guardian is the one most comfortable with exploration of the cave in the Dagobah system that Luke went to in Empire.

Studying tropes is a trippy way to see where people put themselves into boxes, stories that they act out perhaps subconsciously, We repeat the myths that stick, in the hopes that the sequences will lend order. The hippocampus was evolved for geolocation and story acquisition. Find mates, food, avoid predators, gain stories that are skills, survival strategies. The lizard brain will simplify things down to those stories and when triggered revert thereof. Be the hero of your own story, but recognize what story your subconscious is writing for itself.

Getting a good run puts me in primal state. The brain draws enough heat away from the body, that the neurons in the spine, the environmental mind can get onto SuperOrganism time and the animal is ready to hunt, escape, solve, scan, survive, specialize. Civilization starts with specialization which comes after security. Staying close to security while specializing I’ve found maintains a higher energy co-efficient and a greater focus yield. There’s just more bandwidth given when I function on my animal mode, present in full body, in flow, and everything is integrated for the conscious task. It’s deliberate but also feels automated in that each moment has its own presence, in the Dr. Amy Cuddy sense of the word. That groove feels a lot like the mid-point in a run, when my body falls into rhythm and it’s easier to keep running than to stop.

Creativity after strong sexual connection comes so easily, as though a woman’s orgasm and the conduit it brings were rocket fuel. Is it biological imperative being met that sprung activation of lecithin overload? Or some left-over parallel consciousness that dawns well after the pair bond? I s’pose if consciousness is environmental, a conduit can remain past the incidental. Maybe why flow always comes after a woman does. These days it’s harder and harder to hold back and this morning I freestyled directly into Cookie Dough’s thighs as she clutched my face, too sensitive for any more of the tongue, but not ready to uncouple. More and more she brings out that other side, the me I thought she couldn’t see.

The things we talk about when there’s no women around: Abuses of science, religious war, culture war, floating garbage barge, prisons for profit, North Korea, China, foreign intervention, pedophilia and abuse cycling, singularity, nuclear power, immigration, economy, the Civilized Illusion, hierarchies vs independence, what we’re gonna’ do as a people moving forward and solving the human condition. The big picture questions that no external Alfather can settle. We have to step up to that ourselves. That’s why rational men talk about those things the way we do when we do. It’s a growing Build. We as a SuperOrganism are integrating.

It’s a trip how much friendlier this world is when you define yourself in terms of what you do and how you treat people versus whatever tribal merit badge you were bred towards. Of course if you were lucky enough to have fallen out of your mom’s pussy in the perfect location, in the perfect time, born to the correct religion, no change necessary, then by all means disregard all of that and be an asshole. Ideology will make everything better if you’re just loud enough. Fine line between a social activist and a social car alarm.