Love in later years

It was never playing to me -
I think that's the trouble.
I remember feeling foreign when I was younger,
peers would play games, with balls, fists, hearts
and I didn't understand them, I wanted to be earnest, pure and bound.
Bound to one human with my mouth and my fingertips and my mind. Bound by trust, unblemished and not shadowed by the cruelty that can come with love,
love with conditions,
time scales or duties.
I wanted pureness,
and found it somehow,
in the thicket of playing
games I didn't understand, spoken in other tongues,
dealt by paler fingers,
thought out by quicker minds.
I've only ever wanted to be held
and I am, firmly in the safety of green and blue -
and if this Earth business has taught me anything with all my long carried heartbreak, with all my rested trust, broken over and over, it's that that is enough.