deepundergroundpoetry.com
That fading welcome mat
hook
(They used to smile and give your back a pat
hold on my friend
hold on old chap
now don't believe that fading welcome mat
when the scripts wears out and its worn quite flat)
Verse 1
Because you still, fingers crossed. stand aloft
your fallen arches, big print books
your coffin lid on Velcro hooks
proud as the shine on well worn boots
Over the hill with a glass half full
the beige life that's so fulfilled
when your last friend said meow or yap
now don't believe the fading welcome mat
when the script wears out and its worn quite flat
repeat Hook
Verse 2
Im not ready yet
don't call the doctor or the vet
siren and blue light ready to collect
my ghost told me eternity's no big bet
the coir just worn out and stained
to disappear just the dirt remain
bear what you have with smiled distain
there's no coming back; its all one way
repeat Hook
(They used to smile and give your back a pat
hold on my friend
hold on old chap
now don't believe that fading welcome mat
when the scripts wears out and its worn quite flat)
Verse 1
Because you still, fingers crossed. stand aloft
your fallen arches, big print books
your coffin lid on Velcro hooks
proud as the shine on well worn boots
Over the hill with a glass half full
the beige life that's so fulfilled
when your last friend said meow or yap
now don't believe the fading welcome mat
when the script wears out and its worn quite flat
repeat Hook
Verse 2
Im not ready yet
don't call the doctor or the vet
siren and blue light ready to collect
my ghost told me eternity's no big bet
the coir just worn out and stained
to disappear just the dirt remain
bear what you have with smiled distain
there's no coming back; its all one way
repeat Hook
Published 28th Jan 2020
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comments 2
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Jan 2020 4:11pm
Wow! Slip this is great! I would love to hear it to music! I'm not really a lyricist, nor do I have the music in my head; therefore, find it very difficult to critique in terms of punctuation. I will say this line reads very forced in reference to rhyme:
to disappear just the dirt remain
You could say ( I tried to maintain the syllable count ):
to disappear leaving dirt behind
I also want to insert a comma after disappear; but, again, I am not sure of the melody so feel awkward with those suggestions. The use of coir is a very clever metaphor.
there's no coming back; its all one way
Excellent use of the semi!
to disappear just the dirt remain
You could say ( I tried to maintain the syllable count ):
to disappear leaving dirt behind
I also want to insert a comma after disappear; but, again, I am not sure of the melody so feel awkward with those suggestions. The use of coir is a very clever metaphor.
there's no coming back; its all one way
Excellent use of the semi!
28th Jan 2020 10:24pm
I posted it to- Reasons to try -comp. I think it meets the brief but who knows! I read some other entries and am mystified
I write songs but rarely put them on DU without a score there seems little point
thanks as ever and happy Anniversary
I write songs but rarely put them on DU without a score there seems little point
thanks as ever and happy Anniversary
