Bantam Man

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There is a motif in the things I do.
There are patterns and habits,
Repetition and tendency,
Addiction.

I won’t be used.

I have the traits of a man, the heart of a woman.
Fragile and frail, delicate with golden wings.
I have iron fists atop daisy stems.
I am an incongruity, a difference.
But I want to make the testosterone come out.

I won’t be used

I want to look down upon a fellow man,
I want to spit doubt and disappointment in his shallow face.
I want the burden to drop when I feel like it,
I want to judge everyone’s sins with a titanium gavel.  

This way, I can’t be used.

I want to be able to wring a neck like a rope,
Break in in half and let the flies feed on the entrails.
I want to climb up this metaphysical totem pole and burn it,
So I may catch fire and mutate into an bleeding phoenix.

I won’t be fucking used.

I can charge the vox populi like a ram,
I can open up the curtains and blind the Helen Kellers,
Scream in their faces with space-lightning, plasmatic and blue.
That should rupture their eardrums.
Then I’ll grip them by the collar of their skin and jerk them around,
A gun of involvement and superiority in their faces.

I will not be used.

Dragonflies swarm me as I sink deeper into command.
I will still push through with a scarred forehead and broken hands.
The buzzing is loud as fuck now, the alienation is my best friend.
Push, damnit, I keep saying to myself. Pretend I’m Jesus of Nazareth,
The thorns will go deeper the less I try.
Below me are my past failures, my deficits and decay.
Below me was a past that kicked me out without a trace of regret.
I miss it, somehow…

I will not be used

Am I this small, this futile? I feel dirty, kerosene-doused…
If lighting a match will make me noticeable, then by God, I’ll do it.
I need attention, I need order, I need power.
I am not to be thought of as small.

I will not be used.


Ivory-laden and horned,
I walk on all fours, dominance fuming.
I am a rhino, hunted and rare.

I will not be used.

Delicate and fragile, I am a motif.
I have length and complexity,
And I want attention, I want power.

I will not ever be used.

Orange in my eyes,
Red under my arms,
Blue in my face,
Green in my aura.
Black under my spine,
White licking my pores.

I want a way to find closure……………………………………………………………….......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................……………………………….......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................……………………………….......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................……………………………….......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................………………………………........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
It is he who made the earth by his power,
who established the world by his wisdom,
and by his understanding stretched out the heavens.
                       -Jeremiah 10:12