deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Enemy's Name
II.
Not some single figurine, some deity,
Not a constant, but personalities -
Building character unto this display.
A display which at any point may contain
Agents of democracy, agents of duty.
Willed sacrifice, shameful enterprise
Composing.
III.
The possibilities, never outcomes nor complete,
The regrets and the hopes – short precedence.
Hungry for more, a bitter taste,
The bit between my teeth
That I cannot remove.
The celebrated in silence,
The onlooker once looked on.
IV.
The transgression vivid
Septic and Skeptic,
Motioned,
A reference to nothing,
A vision in memory.
Seer who seeks
Motif.
I.
My body
And
My ghost
Are fighting
For
My soul.
A clinging cycle
Between the sounds,
Death and despair,
That fonds the armor.
V.
And who am I?
Who
Witnesses
This public protection
Against a native affair
Reflected across waters?
A mere escapee,
Who once fought on
The front,
Until I stole
The enemy’s name
Which last whispered
Me.
Not some single figurine, some deity,
Not a constant, but personalities -
Building character unto this display.
A display which at any point may contain
Agents of democracy, agents of duty.
Willed sacrifice, shameful enterprise
Composing.
III.
The possibilities, never outcomes nor complete,
The regrets and the hopes – short precedence.
Hungry for more, a bitter taste,
The bit between my teeth
That I cannot remove.
The celebrated in silence,
The onlooker once looked on.
IV.
The transgression vivid
Septic and Skeptic,
Motioned,
A reference to nothing,
A vision in memory.
Seer who seeks
Motif.
I.
My body
And
My ghost
Are fighting
For
My soul.
A clinging cycle
Between the sounds,
Death and despair,
That fonds the armor.
V.
And who am I?
Who
Witnesses
This public protection
Against a native affair
Reflected across waters?
A mere escapee,
Who once fought on
The front,
Until I stole
The enemy’s name
Which last whispered
Me.
Published 20th Jan 2020
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Feb 2020 8:15pm
I am blown away at discovering you and am sorry it was not sooner. You have a wonderful gift of expression which balances perfectly. I love the intriguing layout, where Stanza I is centered in the heart of the verse. I have read it both ways and it works on different levels. Very unique and original.
In the spirit of honest critique ( which I am so grateful you are open to ), I would say watch your determiners, particularly "The". While there are places where the repetition works, Stanza II is an excellent example of how repetition of words work, there are other places that would be a bit tighter by removing it, Stanza III, for example, where the determiner is used 6 x's.
Welcome to DU. Do not leave or I will kill you.
In the spirit of honest critique ( which I am so grateful you are open to ), I would say watch your determiners, particularly "The". While there are places where the repetition works, Stanza II is an excellent example of how repetition of words work, there are other places that would be a bit tighter by removing it, Stanza III, for example, where the determiner is used 6 x's.
Welcome to DU. Do not leave or I will kill you.
