deepundergroundpoetry.com
My sky
Night brings stars and moon
Day brings sun to refesh my temple
Jet trails cut its mantle
That canopy blue
Come aspirations
In the minds hot air ballons
Wing to the sky
Untied tangents fly
Day brings sun to refesh my temple
Jet trails cut its mantle
That canopy blue
Come aspirations
In the minds hot air ballons
Wing to the sky
Untied tangents fly
Published 20th Jan 2020
Author's Note
two stanza poem start and finish line 5 syllibles (brief-Your sky)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 418
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Jan 2020 10:40pm
I particularly enjoyed this one because I have been up in a hot air balloon; and the feeling is literally floating through the air with barely a sound or movement felt. The imagery was as smooth as the form, and reading it was delightful.
I'll honor your request for honest critique by first saying how far you've come in so short a time. Poetry is definitely in your blood, and your dedication to improving your craft is so admirable. For now, I would ask that you start paying attention to your capitalization, and perhaps cap only the beginning of sentences for a smoother read. If you use a Word program this may mean going back after you've typed the line and lowercasing the first word, as Word likes to cap the beginning of each line unless you're adjusted your settings.
I'll honor your request for honest critique by first saying how far you've come in so short a time. Poetry is definitely in your blood, and your dedication to improving your craft is so admirable. For now, I would ask that you start paying attention to your capitalization, and perhaps cap only the beginning of sentences for a smoother read. If you use a Word program this may mean going back after you've typed the line and lowercasing the first word, as Word likes to cap the beginning of each line unless you're adjusted your settings.
21st Jan 2020 9:08am
I will amend it if you think it will improve its flow. It was quite a difficult brief to fulfil in 2 four line stanza`s When you feel down just sing (up up and away in my beautiful ballon ) I am
