deepundergroundpoetry.com
brothers
We were brothers in that moment.
Though he was older and wiser,
and I was younger and filled with the vigor of youth,
we were brothers, twins of the womb.
We were brothers in that moment for
we shared the bitterness in our eyes.
We were no strangers to sin,
but this was a fault we had played only the victim of,
never the perpetrator.
It was a crime we were familiar with.
As familiar as life, as familiar as death.
The injustice of it all stung but it was a bite we could not fight.
Instead we let the bitterness flow from our hearts to our eyes,
And shared a look.
Shared a moment.
Shared the feeling of bitter defeat.
Though he was older and wiser,
and I was younger and filled with the vigor of youth,
we were brothers, twins of the womb.
We were brothers in that moment for
we shared the bitterness in our eyes.
We were no strangers to sin,
but this was a fault we had played only the victim of,
never the perpetrator.
It was a crime we were familiar with.
As familiar as life, as familiar as death.
The injustice of it all stung but it was a bite we could not fight.
Instead we let the bitterness flow from our hearts to our eyes,
And shared a look.
Shared a moment.
Shared the feeling of bitter defeat.
Published 19th Jan 2020
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The author encourages honest critique.
19th Jan 2020 3:41am
Wow, it's so true the bond that shared pain can make. Thank you for sharing.
Anonymous
19th Jan 2020 12:02pm
This is a vague but otherwise very engaging poem.
I think you should strip out this line
"we were brothers, twins of the womb."
because the prior emphasis is on the two individuals being brothers through circumstance rather than biology and this line only serves to muddy the waters.
I say vague because you aren't going into specifics and "sin" is a word that is wide open to interpretation. Nonetheless, the poem hits home with an impact, and the repetitions do it great justice.
I think you should strip out this line
"we were brothers, twins of the womb."
because the prior emphasis is on the two individuals being brothers through circumstance rather than biology and this line only serves to muddy the waters.
I say vague because you aren't going into specifics and "sin" is a word that is wide open to interpretation. Nonetheless, the poem hits home with an impact, and the repetitions do it great justice.
