the nothing

 
my anger peaks and then fades
I internalize it...it breaks me
singing flat notes
              
            n
            o
             t
            h
             i
            n
            g
            n
            e
            s
            s
 
then ((((scream))))
 
I can't take it...this rage
even if it had a willing target
truthfully I wouldn't unleash it
 
so it eats at me
manifests as dream demons
towering over me spewing their hate
 
I countdown the days
days of pain
depression reigns
 
one
 
two
 
three
 
four
 
five
 
endlessly it goes on
until I think I will never feel good again
I refuge in the dark then
huddled up back against the wall
I will not be beaten
 
my rage becomes a weapon
I sharpen it on my apathy
until it is razor sharp

then I cut myself
just enough to release the pressure
building, building, building
 
until finally there is silence
and I feel safe in the nothing