"Lost inside my own head"

 
The figurative gun is on the table,
Id like to put it down
for good if im able.
 
Ive pulled that hypothetical trigger hoping to hear that sound;
But all that happens, is the cylinder spins proving yet another empty round.  
 
Without any sign of life
 just deep, endless blackness that engulfs this room;
My demons will be
appearing soon.  
 
Out of the smoke I can scarcely make them out, taunting me from afar;  
From the glow emitted by this burning ember,
 I notice their eyes are as black as char.  
 
Its been many years, Ive suffered their wrath, as I continue to ponder how Ive kept them at bay;
With a swallow from my glass, the only friend Ive known to truly understand, and another drag from a freshlit smoke, exiting my lungs, I close my eyes and say,  
 
"if I should die before this night is through;
I bestow my forgiveness upon each of you".  
 
Quickly the emptyness becomes consumed by the aroma of Whiskey, evil, and smoke which fills this cold cell;
And It is coupled with horrible screams and moans that are my painful memories, whom are accompanying me in this hell.  

Louder and louder they grow, they begin to pierce this place along with my ear;
I know what they are, they are all my secrets, my thoughts, my memories, and each and every deepest darkest fear  
 
They have come to take ownership of whats rightfully theirs, They desire my heart, my mind and my soul;
They dont care when, where or how, they just want it and to leave nothing but an empty hole.
 
They have come mistaken or ill informed,
since I no longer fear whats in side of me;
But yet I embrace the hurt, accept the pain and have evolved to love the person I see.  
 
Little to there acknowledgment, Ive got a strong hold on this little dark dungeon of mine;  
I may be shaken at times but as for fear, Im not showing a sign.
 
Ive come to understand they can no longer hurt me for all the injury is done; they only come to annoy me in the solitude of the night, and are gone by the rise of the morning sun,  
 
So I cherish these short visits from them, my dear old friends, so long ive known;
its the perseverance and hardships ive endured and the moments like this, that  exhibit how much my spirit has grown.
 
As I crush out my cigarette the smog slowly begins to lift, with it,my monsters that lurch in the smokey shadows, also dissapear;
Leaving me to be alone again, for the screaming echos,
I can no longer hear.  
 
I take my hand off my defensive weapon, I dont think ill be needing it anymore;
I finish my drink, slowly rise out of my chair,
turn and stumble towards the door.  
 
As I stand in the door way, peering in at this dark desolate place, I think to myself theres nowhere else  id rather spend time at instead;
Then revisiting all the different locked up chambers that are vaulted up inside my own head.....
 
#004  
02-23-2015