deepundergroundpoetry.com
undream your life
lie there,
anywhere,
and undream
your life
undo your
being
unmake
your
entity
undream your life and
leave it behind in
shambles like
an unmade
bed
do not wait for
tomorrow
tomorrow is
a cow being
led to the
slaughterhouse
and
the past is a
dead body
better left
behind, buried
and unmarked
let strange creatures
be born out of your
thoughts
let them gather around
the watering hole of
self awareness and
imagination
see this world anew
with anime eyes
notice the incredible
sorrow of a dead
bird fallen
from the
sky
see the marvel of a
dog pissing on a
tree in the
park
pay attention to the colours
that oil creates floating
on top of a
puddle of
rain
it's there if you
look
it's there if you
dare to
see
do not drink coffee
in the mornings,
walk the hallways
greet others and
pretend to be
living
undream your
life
and
live
Published 7th Oct 2019
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 5
reads 516
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
7th Oct 2019 6:54pm
hiya, bk - some really interesting visuals in this poem. and it takes a muse's eye to make a dog pissing on a tree something to marvel at, but you direct our eyes and our minds to be able to do just that!
you had a few typos that got away from you:
lead to the
= led
here, not a typo but with no comma after 'behind' and with 'buried' followed by a line stop it reads strangely. a single comma would sort that, or a different line arrangement.
behind buried
and unmarked
i LOVE this next strophe. so original! it elevates the entire piece.
let strange creatures
be born out of your
thoughts
let them gather around
the watering hole of
self awareness and
imagination
see this world anew
with anime eyes
and this phrase below has a typo, 'is' should be 'if'
it's there is you
dare to
see
so much to enjoy in this read. going on my reading list for further reading. :)
you had a few typos that got away from you:
lead to the
= led
here, not a typo but with no comma after 'behind' and with 'buried' followed by a line stop it reads strangely. a single comma would sort that, or a different line arrangement.
behind buried
and unmarked
i LOVE this next strophe. so original! it elevates the entire piece.
let strange creatures
be born out of your
thoughts
let them gather around
the watering hole of
self awareness and
imagination
see this world anew
with anime eyes
and this phrase below has a typo, 'is' should be 'if'
it's there is you
dare to
see
so much to enjoy in this read. going on my reading list for further reading. :)
7th Oct 2019 7:00pm
Thanks for the kind words and catches butters. I will fix them as time allows.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
7th Oct 2019 10:20pm
Fixed. Thank you again for the timely catches. They are deeply appreciated.
Pax,
buddhakitty.
Pax,
buddhakitty.
8th Oct 2019 3:36am
Dear BK,
“undream your
life
and
live”
I know this should be obvious but truly I think this is a stark reminder while it’s lovely to dream and run away with our thoughts, get your head in reality to enjoy the here and now.
“pay attention to the colours
that oil creates floating
on top of a
puddle of
rain”. Another great image, albeit created from sludge, it is pretty. I like when you can turn some mucky things into lovely things.
Wonderful write. H🌷
“undream your
life
and
live”
I know this should be obvious but truly I think this is a stark reminder while it’s lovely to dream and run away with our thoughts, get your head in reality to enjoy the here and now.
“pay attention to the colours
that oil creates floating
on top of a
puddle of
rain”. Another great image, albeit created from sludge, it is pretty. I like when you can turn some mucky things into lovely things.
Wonderful write. H🌷
8th Oct 2019 4:06am
My life has been a mucky thing ( whose life hasn't) so it is not difficult for me to find beauty in the unusual. Thank you for your kindness Honoria. It was needed tonight.
100 hugs,
buddhakitty.
100 hugs,
buddhakitty.
