shades of the wind

what a cool ending

and these three strophes could stand alone as a poem, so... i don't even have the word to describe it:

all the colours meld
together and turn
black

age picks the bones
down to clean
white

shades of the wind
scatter everything
else to the heavens
and the hells

if i had any suggestions at all, i'd say consider dropping a few words more:

all colours meld
turn black

age picks bones
down to clean
white

shades of the wind
scatter everything
else to the heavens
and the hells

i'm also wondering about your 'lions/of fear crouched': 'crouched' is a word suggesting a position of hiding or defense, so are your lions sort of given up on being lions of 'fear'? am i reading this correctly?

The lions crouched means they are preparing to leap and attack at a moment's notice. Thank you for the kind words and thought butters.


hugs.
buddhakitty.

hmmn, i wonder if the word 'poised' might work better for you then, as it's more of a word suggesting an action about to happen

'crouched' is that much more passive and lends ambiguity where your intent is clearer that they pose an imminent threat

just thinking aloud so you can weigh up what you want a reader to see against what (this one) a reader actually does

Crouched just sounded cooler in my brain lol.




100 hugs,
buddhakitty

That's cool - the lead-in (or wind up) to 'dust-to-dust' at the end makes for great reading.

"the mockingbird
does not even
care to mock
anymore"
... classic thought/words ... should go down in oral history as a marker of the times we live in   :))

Thank you for the kind words Josh. Always appreciated .



hugs now,
buddhakitty.

Dear BK,

Sad and beautiful. “all that we were
remains inside
of us-- ”. Ooooohhhhh. This makes me think we can pad ourselves to create layers for the outside world but inside we are who we’ve always been.
Lovely! H🌷

We carry the ghost wounds of every war we ever fought with others and ourselves.  We can never escape ourselves. Thank you for your observations and thoughts.  Both were dead right on.


luv's
buddhakitty.

Interesting thoughts poetically expressed. We all end in a pile of dust eventually, sad to say.