The Piscean Peacock

Wide and dilated and shimmering.
Unblinking, unmoving, and dry.
Third and high, omniscient and glaring.
Fully aware, incautious and impulsive.
It will not shut.

More shots, more bullets, more acid.
Sex and time, patience then flaccid.
Ruined and opened, vulnerable and exposed.
I cannot run from anything anymore.
It will not shut.

Beating it to the pursuit,
Climbing and climbing and cumming.
Torn open eyelids, lashes curling.
A windowless future and a veiled past.
It will not shut.

Hard as a rock, soft as Satan.
The head smiles, mouth agape.
The eye meets the throat,
The white meets the glaze.
It will not shut…

Yeah, I’m impulsive and aloof.
I’m arrogant and kind of fool-proof.
I’m cynical and skeptical, and mostly friendless.
Screw it though, I don’t give a damn.
As long as I got this shot and this LCD, I’ll keep plugging away.
As long as there’s a computer, binaural landscapes and porn,
I’ll keep going.

I’m going to find a way eventually.

Day in and day out, the forty nights go on,
I sleep in this ark of quiet and dark, trying to find complex meanings in nothing.
I know there isn’t anything to find…at least, not where I’m looking.
If I try a little harder, if I get a newer shovel, then the dirt will only crumble.
Then whatever remains will be shimmering and aglow with passion.
I know this train of thought is like racing through the mind of F. Scott Fitzgerald,
But, damnit, it’s the only way I can actually keep myself in tune and gathered.
My eyes are strained, my sweat is dry and hungry, and I wear stained clothes.

But I’m going to find a way eventually.

Sex is irrelevant, she’s no good at it anyway,
My irrational side of my mind croons.
I know I need to get away from the soft glow and the black,
But it draws me in like a moaning Siren.
The chances of escape are becoming slimmer, the black continues to feed.
I want to scream like Judas and throw down that ebullient bag of coins,
But greed overwhelms me, with a short, stubby, tugging arm, with long nails.
I couldn’t just leave behind a possibility, a new revelation, could I?
Fuck no, I couldn’t. The answer is so close, I can smell the dried semen coating it.

I’m going to find a way eventually.

And if I can smell it, then can’t I taste the understandings?
They feel like thick leather, but I know they’re gospels sent to me by the prophets.
Swallow me fish, if I am one of them! Why don’t they all just gather around,
And rip off my horns while I contemplate? They think I’m the devil,
I think I’m an angel. I have wings coming out my back, they break my spine.
So why shouldn’t I be capable of finding something that isn’t there?
I have the Christ Consciousness, the chromosomes match up.
I can do whatever the fuck I want, can’t I?
Of course I can, because nothing has shackles on me.
If I want to push my seventh chakra out like a deer in front of a car,
Then, damnit, I’m going to do so, because I am one with this “reality”.

I will find the way eventually.

I even plucked out all my eyelids and took a lethal dose of acid to open it.
Shit, now I see all sorts of vibrant colors and incredulous sights…
I want to lay down, but the beckoning is so lofty, so soprano, that I can’t resist.
I have to stand here, with a shaved head and a bleeding scar on my forehead,
And I knife in my hand. I have to wait until it opens.
The do-it-yourself attitude isn’t an option anymore.
The buzzing is louder than the screaming now, and the colors are all yellow.
It kind of hurts, but I feel it open. I smile and climax, hard as Satan.
The world before me blackens, and a new one opens with a face of wisdom.
The sun has the face of a newborn, and the shadows are white with angel cloaks.
The trees are arched and humpbacked, the leaves are green with envy.
The sky is so red I think its bleeding. My normal eyes can’t see anymore,
And have shriveled into swimming flagellum, preparing to die.
My hands are claws, my head is a swiveling iris, with a big black hole,
Sucking in every little memory that comes to mind, washing it away like oil.
The colors are so bright they have crept into my remaining eye, the only eye I need.
They have finally blinded me, and I think I’m going back home.

I finally found it.

Adjuva me, Domine, quia peccavi.
Tantum volo responsum perveniat.
Adjuva me in finem usque in lucem, ascendo
Nam tandem invenit

OL LONCHO GEMEGANZA NIBM OL MAHORELA