Boomerang Soul

To a fellow Boomerang Soul,
 
  Attempting to figure you out has been one my favorite on and off past times.
 
   Around you, I’ve felt both my most real and unreal. Feeling these switches has brought me both exhilaration and existential crisis.  
 
It’s like we are on a rollar coaster, and we go from that incredible feeling of rise and fall free-fall-flow, to that awful feeling of when its not supposed to come full stop but it does.  
 
We never talked about this, we always just reacted accordingly.
 
   Our glitches have taught me so much about what keeps me from being real, and for that I thank you.  
 
And for that I wish I wasn’t such a fucking creep.
 
I want you to remember me at my brightest.  
 
I want to remember you at your most intuitive.
 
Because I’ve always admired you so much that it made me uncomfortable. I never could handle how much I loved talking to you.
 
That’s why I had to run out of your house, that last time.
 
Thinking of our last encounter makes me cringe.  
 
Why couldn’t I just enjoy myself....
 
Perhaps it’s because we were alone and there was no space for me to fly around and cycle back to you when ready...
 
There was no social nonsense for me to crutch on... no way to admire you from a distance. No way for you to surprise me with your attention.
 
We were right there, though with an objective. You had created music for me. And I wanted to write and sing to it but I could only write. My voice was tight and stuck. I couldn’t fly. It wasn’t right. I was a stranger to myself. And therefore strange to you.
 
And every time my phone rang, I wanted to hide. Because I had lied to who kept calling.
 
It was easier not to admit you.
 
I wanted so badly to be your friend but it was all too intense to make any sense to me.
 
I knew... we couldn’t just be friends.
 
At least that day.
 
So as I left your house, I told you that you had a great power to heal others and I thanked you.  
 
And I deleted your name from your number because it would have caused me a miniature heart attack to see it pop up again.  
 
And
 
....it would disturb the life and love that I went running back to.
 
That’s why I ignored you so suddenly, so many years ago.
 
And why I continue the same pattern. Each time we cycle back.
 
It is what it is.
 
What the hell did we mean?
 
Ever?
 
What do we mean?
 
Since that day, I started voice lessons. I started paying attention to the things that keep me from being free.
 
I started yoga again. And I’m trying to recreate that feeling that you used to give to me, so that I can give it to myself and be the person that used to come out and play around you.
 
Except, I want to actually BE that person, without you.
 
Something about you teaches me to be real, and makes me uncomfortable with my own bullshit.
 
I know we will run into each other again. It may be months, days, or years.
 
It’s inevitable.
 
It will happen, because it’s in the nature of how our sort of dynamic seems to work.
 
We will run into each other full force, a lesson will be had, and then we will fly far back around...
 
Like the boomerang souls we are.  
 
Until then, fly safe and fly hard, far far away.( and right back to me)