deepundergroundpoetry.com
Confused
I don't understand
I filled a command
but now I'm hurt
My face is in the dirt.
I want to be mad
but I am just sad.
I can't even feel a thing
I'm numb
I'm hurt
and even though this doesn't rhyme
it's still what's going through my mind
Have a good day
there's not much to say.
I filled a command
but now I'm hurt
My face is in the dirt.
I want to be mad
but I am just sad.
I can't even feel a thing
I'm numb
I'm hurt
and even though this doesn't rhyme
it's still what's going through my mind
Have a good day
there's not much to say.
Published 8th Sep 2019
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Sep 2019 7:04pm
Hi Kera. The honest emotion of your write is lovely and relatable. It doesn't have to rhyme. I would actually recommend that it does not, just let the words flow naturally from your mind.
What I would suggest for future writes is a technique of emotional subtlety. Describe the background of some memory, then describe the details of the action and let the emotions come through the way you describe things, which they will surely do, as we feel and intuit our way through things, far more than we reason our way through them. Look at my latest post for an example.
Writing is wonderfully cathartic and I hope you will continue to share with us.
Sincerely,
Daniel
What I would suggest for future writes is a technique of emotional subtlety. Describe the background of some memory, then describe the details of the action and let the emotions come through the way you describe things, which they will surely do, as we feel and intuit our way through things, far more than we reason our way through them. Look at my latest post for an example.
Writing is wonderfully cathartic and I hope you will continue to share with us.
Sincerely,
Daniel
