deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Woman
The Woman
by ~UnleashedHeathen
The scent of a woman reminds me of my first kiss; Sweet and brief
The scent of a woman lures me in to excite her desires
Her lust chaines me up and I can`t move.
Her scent provokes me In the deepest of ways.
When a woman smiles It reminds me of the moon and how It looks so lonely.
All the moon every gets is a gaze.
Whether It`s wishful thinking or angst towards the world.
The moon never gets any sign of love.
The moon envy`s the woman.
The woman`s body makes me tingle.
Her precise curves that cut into her clothing.
Her breasts as perky as every.
Her lips as full as ones tummy after lunch.
The woman makes me wonder.
How Is she so elegant in her step?
How does she keep that perfect attitude?
How does she do it.
by ~UnleashedHeathen
The scent of a woman reminds me of my first kiss; Sweet and brief
The scent of a woman lures me in to excite her desires
Her lust chaines me up and I can`t move.
Her scent provokes me In the deepest of ways.
When a woman smiles It reminds me of the moon and how It looks so lonely.
All the moon every gets is a gaze.
Whether It`s wishful thinking or angst towards the world.
The moon never gets any sign of love.
The moon envy`s the woman.
The woman`s body makes me tingle.
Her precise curves that cut into her clothing.
Her breasts as perky as every.
Her lips as full as ones tummy after lunch.
The woman makes me wonder.
How Is she so elegant in her step?
How does she keep that perfect attitude?
How does she do it.
Published 16th Dec 2011
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 10
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The author encourages honest critique.
16th Dec 2011 5:53pm
I like how you seamlessly go back and forth between two objects of desire without missing a beat. You also avoid going into cliches which cabn be very easy in a poem like this. Itīs a testament to you. One gripe though, there are some minor grammar mistakes
16th Dec 2011 6:57pm
Thank you. I like to go back and forth so It keeps the reader on topic.
Yes, my flaw is grammar. Oh well, though.
Thank you for noticing.
Yes, my flaw is grammar. Oh well, though.
Thank you for noticing.
16th Dec 2011 7:05pm
I have no room to speak because I made a grammar mistake in my first comment. Ah, hipocrates!
16th Dec 2011 9:58pm
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Dec 2011 7:55pm
16th Dec 2011 7:54pm
Read these 2 lines carefully...
The scent of a woman lures me in to excite he desires
All the moon every gets is a gaze.
Now I must say, I agree with Matthew I also like how you steer away from any cliche'. I also like how you don't lay some thick moral in there in the end. And I am most certainly in awe of the story here.
You have an excelent write here.
Thank you so much for the read!
Al-x-
The scent of a woman lures me in to excite he desires
All the moon every gets is a gaze.
Now I must say, I agree with Matthew I also like how you steer away from any cliche'. I also like how you don't lay some thick moral in there in the end. And I am most certainly in awe of the story here.
You have an excelent write here.
Thank you so much for the read!
Al-x-
16th Dec 2011 10:03pm
Thank you. I was reading a title of a movie called ~The scent of a woman~
I thought to myself; How could I work that into a poem. So I did. Thank you.
I thought to myself; How could I work that into a poem. So I did. Thank you.
18th Sep 2012 8:40pm
I love the imagery and alliteration.
Just a quick proof read and you are set :)
Just a quick proof read and you are set :)
20th Sep 2012 5:54am
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