Claustrophobia Agoraphobia

polished impalpable touch
feels like gray
bitter sweet makes a flavorless constant withheld taunting temptation
[......]
if not love then return
lust at least
one craving to make a tomorrow worth awakening
value enough to make me a loss
[and a death worth living forward]
[?]
the world functions better w/o my daydreams/drivel/ideals, so i stay at home to watch television
[edited lives in a two-dimensional enhanced rainbow]
and wish i was them
                               
i'm a failure
[loser]
because i don't have everything television told me i wanted
[i don't know if i exist until you call me by name]
Jesus was crucified so we could have good, productive jobs
[i can't afford life, so they leave me to die]
i'm saving up for future illnesses [cancer is expensive]
[rot]ten
career, 401K, stocks, loans, [scams], credit, bonds, insurance, [frauds], accounts, retirement, financial [in]dependence
indentured servitude is the only means to freedom
we own you
[but will let you out to play on the weekends]
sell party favors in bottles and [slowly poison you]
                 
my appliances are gaining up on me
to overthrow me [obsolete]
ringing and buzzing, robbing me of purpose and drowning me in endless hours of
inactive longing
[but] when the power goes out, my life stops [confusion, dizziness, and fatigue]
[i need noise to escape the truth i hear in silence]
we're uncertain what we're afraid of
but are certain we're afraid
[panic attacks everyday]
we'll postpone our lives until the threat has passed
[prozac, remeron, devrol, luvox, effexor, paxil, xanax, zoloft, vicodin, valium, opium, cyanide]
[.............................]
                             
i know i'm happy because i never cry