Good morning

I am having a bad good morning.
Woke up to a mute who's snorning...
Like he's myself mourning.

It is true I am a puzzle , put together with pieces missing.... completely incomplete, oxymoronic stupid genius , it is so simple it is confusing .
Look i am drawn by eyes ... its the first thing i notice.
Yes i am sketchy , finger painting my feelings on a blank canvas , trying to brush off this depression but it chokes me with each stroke till i am paralyzed before i even realize, i am stuck like graphite in a wooden prison call a pen-cell.
There is barely like because it it shaded with charcoal .

There is so much burning inside, it makes me feel like
I am the panicle of human depression and there is nothing tropical about it.
Cold and stormy,
Dark cause i am frostbite
through this blizzard brewed inside
my head.
Coated like a polar and nutty like a grizzly...
Trust issues like a cactus
I am not a taxi cab , cause my pricks are on the outside...

Truth is i am a coward
Scared of falling backward
like a cat, but like a crab , i cant move forward.
Like cement , i am stuck between a rock and a hard place ,
suffocating like they cut off the air to my temple , blacking out, cerebral hypoxia.

I know i am a mess... gosh!! i am such a screw up and i do not know what i do not know, but one thing i do know ... Is that i love you...

And i do not mean just the use of the words saying I love you...
It terrifies me at the thought of losing you...
Which is silly cause i get so scared i let go...
I know it is crazy but with you i have a one track mind
like you are my favorite song on repeat and the only song on the disk spinning like a globe because my world revolves around you in orbit and I do not mean the gum
                                                     just by the way … you never lose taste....
I know that scares you as it does me
I noticed that  you've been saying " I know you love me" like that is the end of it...
But it is true … I love you... I mean it...
Yes I know we are off and there is raw fish on our plate
               and it stinks … we've already beefed up on jerky trash of reality...
              that it seems pointless... and because of that we are exhausted,
                                                 numb
                                                 blunt...
And it hurts like we've kicked the curb
See now we've been looking at the problems so long we don't see the picture anymore..
I freaking hate this time of year!
Taking time just means more distance
Like we're trying to see if we can live without each other...
Is that what you want?

If that is it I understand and respect your decision …
… I do not like decision making … so whatever you feel needs to be done , we will go with that...

I am going through a love check...
I know  it is scary how it feels being in love …
Like you are placed on this pedestal that just seems to keep getting higher and you feel like you are running out of oxygen and your ears start to pop cause of all the pressure and sadly whoever is your biggest joy will also be your biggest sorrow …
But it is loving one through all that , that makes love boundless,
It is hard but so easy cause you just do...
Even when we scream and puke on each other
that it will last till we wipe each others butts in old age …
Love has fear...
Because you never want to hurt who you love
but finding comfort and being comfortable with that one
It is beautiful isn't it?

I am not much
I am simple and difficult
A jerk
and donkey ( J'ass'y)
Distant and so attached
A mess...
But I love you...
I love you...
I love you...
There is nothing I expect from you... I just … I just love you...

good morning to you too