Hired Help

Hired Help

    Ruby’s father left me an equal inheritance in spite of me not being family but rather his lawn man. Her father thought of me as the son he never had.
     Ruby hangs her clothes on a line in her backyard which my back porch faces. I call to her, “Hey Gal, why pay rent? My place has a spare room just waiting for you.”
     She replies, “You will always be the lawn guy in my book, never my Pop’s son. Now quit looking at me.”
     I say, “Why did you lease your place next door?”
     She replies, “I wanted to be reminded of what a jerk my father was to leave you his house. It helps me sort through my feelings toward him.”
     I say, “You are welcome to cohabit with me. There ain’t no stopping you from moving your stuff over here. I don’t even mind you hanging your panties on the shower rod.”
     She replies, “Give me a break, please. You old
Doberman, you’ve been sniffing my negligee since before I moved out after Dad passed on. Your nose is after my scent like one of those drug detector dogs at the airport.”
     “Are you so hurt you won’t ever agree to détente and come on home darling?”
     “I was his kinfolk. You were the hired help. I can’t begin to see how those lines got blurred.”
     He says, “Let’s combine our assets. You got the money honey and I got the house. So we’ll live together in your old man’s place and call ourselves married. You keep your stash in your own bank account. And we’ll share the bills. We’ll sheathe the sword once and for all.”
     She says, “You stole my house, but you won’t steal my heart.”
     “I know you were his only daughter. But let go of that bone you’ve been gnawing on. You see the fact that I’m not related by blood opens possibilities. Your Pops would be smiling in heaven if we gave him a grandchild.”
     She replies, “Mind your manners boy! You’d have to get in my pants for that to happen. What makes you think I’d give you a homerun?”
     I say, “I’d be just as happy for us to grow old together. There ain’t nothing better than sipping liquid protein drinks while playing dominos.”
     She replies, “Dominos I can dig. You can keep the protein shakes.”
     I say, “Am I detecting that we have something in common, that being tile games?”
     She replies, “All this anger has been like an albatross around my neck. And I always admired those muscles from pushing that lawnmower. How my mind wandered when imagining what other uses that brawn could be put to.”
     I say, “Why didn’t you tell me a long time ago?”
     “All those years I thought of you as a blue-collar guy with no future. But now you have a house. That and the pushups you could give me in bed make being your bunkmate not only comprehensible but also desirable.”
     I say, “Well time’s a-wasting. Let’s get you moved in starting with your lingerie.”
     She replies, “For a big strong man like you my intimate apparel is the perfect introduction to my wardrobe.”