Quiet Tears

I do not know why I am like this
But I can cry and I cannot cry.
I cry due to pain
due to stress
due to emotional duress
due to loss (i think)
But when sadness overcomes me
filling me up from a pinch  
to a truckload
I cannot cry
When that overbearing emotion comes to me
it aches my heart
it makes my breathe more stiff
it makes my lungs crack
it causes me such pain
yet I cannot react
I will fall to my knees onto the ground
and wonder why
why no tears are leaving my eyes
and that’s when I feel them
A stream coming down
but not wet, very slow, and not real or true
it is a fake
trick of the mind
an empty trail
a quiet tear
When I realize what it is
i collapse as I shatter all around
wanting no quiet tear
i try my best to bring a real one
but to no avail
i do not wish to cause me harm to cry
otherwise I had cried for another’s game
And so I pay attention to the quiet tear
as it makes it way shifting down
and then another comes
with another and a fourth
then fifth and eighth
and more and more by the tens
until I try to run away to a room
and hide the mess I don’t leave behind
in a room that I soon lock  
i continue the silent wails
Very soon the room I reside in will fill up
with nothing which is too heavy
a nothing that pressures up against me
and soon I begin to drown in nothing
and the nothing is so strong
that it puts something to shame
My lungs are filling up
they need to breathe
yet nothing is stopping them
Oh, there is a sound
i can easily hide behind a sound
hide from the nothing
ignore the nothing
it should go away (right?)
Hopefully it will stop
these quiet tears
which cause me so much stress
Better make sure I don’t cry for that
otherwise that nothing might come back.