It's Lonely at the Top

I’ve been thinkin’
A lot about drinkin’
Each quiet night away.

I’ve been sittin’
High up on this post,
Apparently keeping emotions at bay.

I’ve been frustrated,
And at times elated,
Often, in the same day.

Set up on a mountaintop
By somebody’s words,
And left, watching them go back down on their way.

Now I sit with a frown feeling all alone again,
Smart enough that everyone tells me I’m so,
Foolish enough to let an idiot’s words
Slip under and sink my heart low.

That’s why I’ve been thinkin’
So much about drinkin’
While banging against the wall all day.

Cold-hearted gal,
Whose guy’s just a pal,
And the girl is more like a guy anyway.

Can’t make a move
’Mid the stomach flips,
The nausea, the stiffness, the businesslike air –
You assume I don’t want to,
But that isn’t true –
Someone’s opposed and I feel that it’s you.

In my mind I’m caring and tenderhearted,
Loving and soft, not black or white –
I do know the range of emotions, in fact!
It’s not just anger or apathy.

But between what I feel and the things that I do
Lies an impasse, a glass wall I just can’t break through.
Maybe I should go dancing
To open my heart –
They say I could do with a little romancing –
But I hate everyone!
And quickly get bored –
Let some guy feel me up, fill me up with sweet words
And other such bullshit –
Go back to your day job,
You decked out avatar –
I only care about what you really are,
When you’re low, unpretending, ashamed of your face –
At least it’s more honest than last night’s embrace.


On top of the mountain we all gaze upon
Sits a throne that I see nobody sit on.
But it’s becoming clear (I don’t want this to be:)
In their minds on this throne everyone places me.
And I don’t want them to feel like I’m better than they
Or keep their distance ’cause I hear the words they don’t say –
It’s how I am and I cannot stop.

So I find myself high, untouched and alone.
Let borrowed words express what’s known:
It’s lonely at the top.

1/06/11