Vindication

what bares is barren--stripped by friction
of impetuous need,
languid lips fluttering careless syllables,
chaos collecting to order stinging words
that find a home in the chasm of scars.

a selfless crack of indecision between
your Self and my Self, a distance bleeding out,
my eyes infected with the afterglow
of your parting expression
mixed distorted in a swimming perspective of loathing
spending backwards to the wrong end
of this unjust premature divide,

i remember promises fleeting to disguise in translation
all true intentions,
a monster of devotion to plead the errant tamed.  
indelibly tamed, painfully tamed,
irreversibly tamed and
castrated to civilized content.  

now forced back into freedom, wide open pastures
once like opportunity, once like possibility,
now feels like Lost
now feels like with-out a home
un-loving
un-raveling slowly in wandering strides
between permanent horizons frozen in impossible hope
misshapen with the mirage of memory,
i live though You,
while You forget me and learn to without me
too easily for me to believe
that i was ever alive in You at all.  

dispel, dissuade, dispirit to anger
every dissimulating ex-attachment
igniting every nerve to a passionate hateful flame,
burning belching bile
barking rage bitching
fucking shitting calamity
climbing upon a vengeful vindication
a vital vivacious violence to retain
preservation of Me over the alluring temptation of an internal collapse

i'll rape you for not loving me