deepundergroundpoetry.com
no tears except in wings
as she sails away under a blanket eye
as she falls underneath the rooftops into her garden
to nestle and rest;
in oceans she will disappear.
not a drop,
not a drop dear Lord
poured to you;
the scales are balanced unevenly.
These are my maps I’m making her.
as she falls underneath the rooftops into her garden
to nestle and rest;
in oceans she will disappear.
not a drop,
not a drop dear Lord
poured to you;
the scales are balanced unevenly.
These are my maps I’m making her.
Published 11th May 2019
Author's Note
come back home to look after my mum with dementia. i wanted to post this for Mother competition but realize its more about me than her. will work one for her cos she deserves it.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 465
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th May 2019 11:13pm
What a beautiful poem.
I would space that last line. Also, you are utilizing capitalization in the poem but not the title. I would recommend either/or. A semi would work wonderfully after poured unto you;
I would space that last line. Also, you are utilizing capitalization in the poem but not the title. I would recommend either/or. A semi would work wonderfully after poured unto you;
thank you so much Ahavati.
got it. thanks for the suggestions.
i seriously do appreciate your comments :)
got it. thanks for the suggestions.
i seriously do appreciate your comments :)
11th May 2019 11:27pm
That final line should be capitalized.
I'm glad I could help. It's honestly all I care about doing, not just for poetry's sake—but each poet too.
You have good work, nomoth. Good work.
I'm glad I could help. It's honestly all I care about doing, not just for poetry's sake—but each poet too.
You have good work, nomoth. Good work.
There are things that you have said that I may have not acknowledged/responded to and its always in back of my mind to let you know that i do. and they are important to me.
i have seen my writing improve (since i've been here) and honestly its been healthy for me in the best way.
Thanks again :)
i have seen my writing improve (since i've been here) and honestly its been healthy for me in the best way.
Thanks again :)
Anonymous
11th May 2019 11:40pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
12th May 2019 00:01am
Check out Donald Hall. This piece reminds me of some people of his pieces he wrote when his wife was dying and he was losing who she was. The style may be of interest to you.
Thank you for sharing. It’s a succinct piece that doesn’t waste a word.
-M
Thank you for sharing. It’s a succinct piece that doesn’t waste a word.
-M
12th May 2019 00:18am
16th May 2019 9:16pm
Oh i love this!!
i read this and must say my breathing is a little less heavy,
absolutely
<3
i read this and must say my breathing is a little less heavy,
absolutely
<3
16th May 2019 9:20pm
16th May 2019 9:23pm
