deepundergroundpoetry.com
What you dont know
What you dont know
is that I know more than you think I do.
I see more than I should.
What you dont know,
is that you are the main source of my pain.
All of my nightmares revolve around you.
You can tell me to go to hell,
and I say that I will see you there.
You can call me a slut,
and I say that Ive been called worse.
what you dont know
is that I am better off without you.
Bottom line here.. is that you dont own me, nor do you control me. So get over yourself. and fuck off.
is that I know more than you think I do.
I see more than I should.
What you dont know,
is that you are the main source of my pain.
All of my nightmares revolve around you.
You can tell me to go to hell,
and I say that I will see you there.
You can call me a slut,
and I say that Ive been called worse.
what you dont know
is that I am better off without you.
Bottom line here.. is that you dont own me, nor do you control me. So get over yourself. and fuck off.
Published 1st Dec 2011
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 2
reads 962
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Dec 2011 11:55pm
I liked this poem.... It has very powerful works that show hate.... Ya that all we can do to the people that hurt us.... Tell them to fuck off
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Dec 2011 12:33pm
15th Dec 2011 12:30pm
I really like your piece here.
If I may offer some honest feedback from my heart.
I find the intervention of the line "What you don't know" in the begining, middle and end a little distracting...
Would it work if you cut from the begining and middle and left is as hard brutal walk into your ending. like this...
"I know more than you think I do.
I see more than I should.
You are the main source of my pain.
My nightmares revolve around you."
Also I would have used line breaks on the last line to punish the person you are talking to a little harder. I think something like this...
"Bottom line here is...
that you dont own me,
nor do you control me.
So get over yourself."
and fuck off. <--I would Capitalise or Bold FUCK just to really punish it. -->
I don't know, you would have a better idea if it would work or not, but I thought I would throw it out there.
All in all your poem is wonderfuly writen and spoken from the heart, and with some work this could be mag-nifi-cent!
Thank you for the read and Kudos on this...
If I may offer some honest feedback from my heart.
I find the intervention of the line "What you don't know" in the begining, middle and end a little distracting...
Would it work if you cut from the begining and middle and left is as hard brutal walk into your ending. like this...
"I know more than you think I do.
I see more than I should.
You are the main source of my pain.
My nightmares revolve around you."
Also I would have used line breaks on the last line to punish the person you are talking to a little harder. I think something like this...
"Bottom line here is...
that you dont own me,
nor do you control me.
So get over yourself."
and fuck off. <--I would Capitalise or Bold FUCK just to really punish it. -->
I don't know, you would have a better idea if it would work or not, but I thought I would throw it out there.
All in all your poem is wonderfuly writen and spoken from the heart, and with some work this could be mag-nifi-cent!
Thank you for the read and Kudos on this...
