the one true light that can guides me

The other day i saw a little girl whose face shined like the burning sun. This made me think unlike her light my light doesn't shine as bright in fact it never shines at all. All that shines deep in me is pure nothingness and eternal darkness.
 
Darkness in my mind, in my heart, and in my very soul. Not a day goes by when I feel as though I'm lying in an unyielding darkness full of eternal sadness with no light that can be my guide and no light that can be my power.... no light at all. Sometimes I wonder why I still have the will to exist in this world filled with hatred, greed, revenge, and above all else great eternal sadness. Why is it that I still want to be apart of this world.

Is it because I don't have the courage to take my self out of this world or is it because I feel that there is more to this world then what I foresee or believe such as friends, family,love. I want to experience all these things. I want to feel what love is like, what having friends is like, what having a full happy loving family with not only a mom but a dad to tell me right from wrong, to tell me about the birds and the bees from a dad's perspective.

A loving family with an uncle that isn't dead, a great grandmother that isn't dead to keep our family together. All of this I won't but can never obtain. All I can do is keep searching for a light that I may never find. Maybe one day that very light will shine through my darkness and guide me. All I can do is keep searching and moving forward through this valley of darkness until I can find the one that can break the bonds that confines me to this eternal darkness.