deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Wish I Could Write About Love
I wish I could write about love
Or the spring air and rippling heels
Of the girls in the pretty dress
Across the dying sunset
I wish I could write about love
And the radiance of a single candle
The warmth it grants our soul
And the power to purge suffering
I wish I could write about love
How the waves slush about the ocean
It’s reclusive, infinite black pit
And how far it drives our emotions
I wish I could write about love
How in the locust swarm of sin
Blackens the sky and swallows the light
And you make it seem as bright as day
I wish I could write about love
And how it’s delicacy is that of a rose
It’s red petals shimmering with drips
Squeeze too tight and you’ll a bloody grip
I wish I could write about love
Or the swell of flushed cheeks
Born on her silk, frail skin
And the amorous look, exposing you weak
I wish I could write about love
Like feathers shedding off a white dove
While it ardently sings for the world
To no one who is heard
Or the spring air and rippling heels
Of the girls in the pretty dress
Across the dying sunset
I wish I could write about love
And the radiance of a single candle
The warmth it grants our soul
And the power to purge suffering
I wish I could write about love
How the waves slush about the ocean
It’s reclusive, infinite black pit
And how far it drives our emotions
I wish I could write about love
How in the locust swarm of sin
Blackens the sky and swallows the light
And you make it seem as bright as day
I wish I could write about love
And how it’s delicacy is that of a rose
It’s red petals shimmering with drips
Squeeze too tight and you’ll a bloody grip
I wish I could write about love
Or the swell of flushed cheeks
Born on her silk, frail skin
And the amorous look, exposing you weak
I wish I could write about love
Like feathers shedding off a white dove
While it ardently sings for the world
To no one who is heard
Published 30th Nov 2011
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likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 896
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The author encourages honest critique.
30th Nov 2011 1:28am
Anonymous
- Edited 30th Nov 2011 12:37pm
30th Nov 2011 12:36pm
I do like your write. The story has a unique flair and delivers beautifully. And the truth be told we all "wish we could write about love", making this a poignant write in a community such as this. A pet irritant is exposed in the use of 'caps' on every line, which ruins the flow. But I love the imagery. With a particular love for...
"How the waves slush about the ocean
it’s reclusive, infinite black pit
and how far it drives our emotions"
Thank you for the read.
Enjoyed.
Al.
"How the waves slush about the ocean
it’s reclusive, infinite black pit
and how far it drives our emotions"
Thank you for the read.
Enjoyed.
Al.
1st Dec 2011 00:01am
When I read it, I read it as if it were lowercase. I don't mean for you to pause after every sentance, haha! It's just a pet irritant for me not to capitalize every line of the poem, so it was just natural for me to do this. I understand, though, man. Maybe I should have the same poem underneath it, except it's all lowercase. . .
In either case, I appreciate your words. The ocean is fond to me, and I knew it'd have a big part in this poem.
In either case, I appreciate your words. The ocean is fond to me, and I knew it'd have a big part in this poem.
5th Dec 2011 8:40pm
The imagery and the way it reflects the way you see love as to be is very vivid and inviting. I enjoyed the read thoroughly.
11th Dec 2011 1:45am
excellent imagery, diction, and presentation.
"I wish I could write about love
Like feathers shedding off a white dove
While it ardently sings for the world
To no one who is heard"
—superb!
"I wish I could write about love
Like feathers shedding off a white dove
While it ardently sings for the world
To no one who is heard"
—superb!
11th Dec 2011 6:11pm
