...

i want to die, i want to shed my skin and be something else. something other than what i am. i don't want any of me to remain. i want to start again or better yet not at all.
if life were like video games i would let myself die so that i regenerate. or i would pull the plug on the console and do the opposite of living for a while. i fell like i already know how that feel though. to not live, to do anything other than live. to live is to die. its like the words have swapped. i find that despite my best efforts this is where i lay, in a life that i wont allow me to like.
its like being placed in a pool and not being allowed to swim, eventually you'll sink and die. if this were true i would place myself very much at the bottom of an Olympic size pool in the deep end. i would also like to both agree with and retract my opening statement. but i will repeat it and continue.
I really want to die.
'But what about the people around you?' it may seem selfish but i don't care right now. i cannot feel although if i could im sure that the though of never seeing the faces of those who love me would make me delete those sentences. but i cant feel anything so ill repeat it again.
I need to die
i wish i didnt feel hollow. i honestly wish i could feel anything but i dont know how to work around that or fix it so i am stuck in a never ending cycle where my life is lived vicariously through other people. when they smile i pretend that its me who feels a reason to smile. take away the others and i am left to be dead while i live and i repeat and repeat me statement. though it changes frequently it will always end the same.
i would be more alive if i could die.
i want to....
i really do want to...
i think i want to...
there are times when i want to...
i wish i would...

LIVE