Personal growth

Hands in the land, I'm digging holes
not for my grave,
I left those selfish thoughts in yesterday.

But to harvest,
with my best intent being food for my family,
A family that I crave,
To love and pass on what I learned as I failed,
To see all the seeds grow,
And forever let that youthful seed know it's made me proud it is strong and feels free, as it blossoms now tree,
in a bond entwined to make something kind for life,
That'll be from my wife,
Or lost fiancee,
She held the part of me lost but I destroyed it anyway,
So I remain a sapling, looking up to those that grew pondering my life and where I failed and if they knew and I didn't, what they did that I didn't do.
I'm hoping to meet some time to explain I'm confused,
to the woman that held what I lacked,
And why I failed, like the sound of nature played backwards on record in a maze.
Hiw I was forgiven so much, and why I did it again, and again.

So no planted seed, and not fully grown,
Just teary eyes, remorse and regret,
And music we made now the saddest song all alone.

But it's what I deserve and I believe it the most, I didn't deserve you,
Perhaps that's personal growth.