My baby taught me to move through different shades.

My baby says he lives in black shades.
Addressing only the negative things,
as he had done for years.
Sees the world as an obstacle,
actually in everything he goes through.

An unsafe place where he must live,
he sees everything as black shades,
monsters lurk everywhere.
He doesn't know what love is anymore,
even though he has tried with me. He spoke softly...

My baby told me recently
that life doesn't make sense anymore.
That what he wants can't be achieved.
I've said, I wanted to help. Oh so many times.
He doesn't want help, I would make it worse.
My baby lives in a black hole, with no way out.
Black Shades.

No matter what I say or do.
No matter how hard I give my love to him.
how hard I tried to provide a safe place.

Until that day I was fed up, one day I just was. Please forgive me
I couldn't contain anymore, it was too painful, was loosing self.
So I gave him a knife. Yelled, that if he wanted to die so badly,
it was best he would. "Just fucking do what you threaten with.
Add actions to words, even though I can't live without you".
Distraught. In despair. Feelings, tears everywhere.

He dragged me into that same awe full darkness,
uncharted place, where nothing at all bore a name.
It grabbed my heart, absorbed my positive life energy.
While my hips still moved wildly, over his hard Dick.
Hoping for a sign, that this insane fucking would make sense,
would make him come back to the living.

Finally, I had to let go logical reasoning.
With a knife inside my hands,
he saw what his darkness did to me.
Infected..
My dear darling drove me to unprecedented landscapes,
in which my color disappeared.
Floating on my lust. My own dark sexual satisfaction.

Love isn't palpable. There was nothing.
I recognized him there... I did..
And it made me sad, so sad.
Yet I knew how to reach him,
when I stuck the knife through his skin.

Now, My baby is wearing all colors again.
And I'm proudly walking behind him,
while bringing him to his final resting place.
Safe.