"So Damn Familiar"

I keep your picture in my head, trying to sleep but we know I can't. I swallowed a bird and it hatched in my womb but screamed through my eyes. Never needed a piece of mind but that's all I have as soft music makes me stifle my cries in a pillow. To the rest of the world I am blind, I never wanted something new, people talking loud I almost am deaf. You are so much more beautiful behind the smoke of my exploring eyes. For awhile you only saw me, until you met him and then you saw something new.

But the rest of the night is promises and eggs of despair because I find your hold on my hand so comforting. The kiss of your lips only makes my heart thumb a beat. When I hold onto you I know I am safe, your arms lock as seatbelts in the wild car of my mind. Drowning out the voice that breaks my silence, I choose not to talk unless to scream out. Clock ticks in my tongue so I find darkness a more soothing place than the God I just wept to.

We drop away the world and see my dreams, falling but lifted in blood by the dream I had as a child. Alone, content though finding you so missed. I'm a liar in a sense, wanting what no one wants--to be alone burns me broke. A kiss we won't share before class, a hand we won't hold across the hall, a love we wound with heartfelt words, a romance I won't search for again.

Love did I want? Crowded and crying a child does not love, I'll die alone before I let myself pray to something that I never believed in but I find I'm on my hands and knees pleading to a God that I made the right choice, I'm happy deep under the tears I can't stop shedding. In the days that will pass I'll write, in the weeks that crumble I won't fall, in the months that fade I'll wish you happy anniversary, in the years that add up I'll realize he loved you farther then I ever could.

The truth in these words are that no matter how far away we are, no matter how many years have gone by I will always find being with you so damn familiar.