Jealousy

Jealousy, jealousy,
It’s all I feel inside of me.
Jealous that Misha doesn’t like me,
Because I had hoped and hoped we’d go out somewhere today.
Those other times said no so happily.
It drove me crazy, insane; I was denied my play.

Jealousy, jealousy,
The realest part of me I’ll ever see.
Jealous of Margaret and Henry.
She gets to go to his house every single week.
She’s prettier, more talented, than I’ll ever be.
I’m just a gnat in his view, pitiful, tiny, and meek.

Jealousy, jealousy,
Oh do you see the irony?
My life’s been so ironic lately.
Well, I’d like to explain, but I need some more time.
So many components to it, you see.
Be prepared for some stanzas that don’t match with this rhyme:

Now, I’ve always craved some guy to like me,
I’m sure by now you could tell.
I daydream about how I’ll enchant him,
But only I fall prey to my spell.

My internal whims never affected them
(Or, at least, I suppose).
Well then Misha started to like me,
Although I didn’t like his nose.

And I thought he was kind of a dork,
And his chin jutted out too much.
He revolted and repelled me
With all those little things, and such.

God, it was a sickening feeling.
Just like those dreams I’ve had before.
But slowly, behind the darkest curtain,
I grew dependent on him more and more.

The attention dripped into my veins.
It hooked me from under my skin.
On the surface I played innocent,
But I’d always been out there to win.


And now what am I to do?
My insincerity’s come back to me.
In frustration, I growl like an animal –
Oh do you see all the irony?!

I’ll put it for you most clearly:
I never liked Misha at all.
The feelings I felt were platonic;
A chance for anything was small.

I always knew that it just wasn’t right,
So uncomfortable right from the start.
But after some time and much flirting,
I lacked the permanence to trust my heart.

1/25/05