I don't know how

I'm depressed, and it may prove fatal.    
Stressed, and I remain unable,  
to cope with the pain, cause my brains not stable.    
I draw no hope from any popes or fables.    
"It only gets better", what do they know?    
That, plus I'm tired of the motherfucking labels.    
    
I had a dream last night, where my friend was alive.    
He walked into my place, and nobody cried.    
It was like they forgot that he had died.    
Everyone was there, not one person surprised.    
As though it was just a matter of time before he arrived.    
He walked up to me and I pulled him aside.    
I said what gives, they seem to know you survived.    
Were they all in on it, has each one of them lied?    
Have I been mourning you while you hide?    
That's fucked up, I'm fucked up, I tried suicide.    
He explained how I was right in my guess,  
that I've been thinking since he left.    
That he had faked his death and how everyone had    
had the wool pulled over there eyes.    
Memory altercation made them think he'd been on vacation    
and I was the only one who knew the truth,    
the truth I despised.    
   
But then I looked him dead in the eyes,    
I held his head and I cried.    
We shared a drink and reminisced    
on all our lows and our highs.    
I told him how much he was missed and    
when I asked if this    
was a dream, he insisted    
that it wasn't, but then I awoke and saw his photo    
on my night stand and looked to the sky.    
It was good to see you my friend,    
drop by any time,    
only now I got you on my mind.    
   
The rest of the day I was lost, never found.    
I still kinda feel like you’re in your hometown,    
You got cremated, never saw you in the ground.    
Am I crazy just to say it, or did I figure it out?    
Forever in denial, forever in doubt,    
I hope you’re there chilling at your parents house.    
I hope you're in a better place than the bottom    
of a spout, I'mma see you one day,    
and I hope it's sooner than later.    
I'm on the edge of something, getting tired of waiting.    
How could this happen, how could you do this,    
I don't know which to say, so how can I    
get through this.