Pretty heavy hurting deep - A lone wolf 🐺

I'm having an hard time adjusting I don't expect you to understand that.
 
Why pull someone who isn't there, why cause shame and despair.  
 
You know its playing thin all the delusions you spoke to me.
 
The real version of you comes into play, I don't have time for play.  
 
My son and precious time is more than this, taking up part of my mind that not in a nasty way I'd rather dismiss.  
 
The pressure of the thin line, what happend when air became so tight.  
 
Why the thin line, the ice cap covered I grime.  
 
Stories fall out the lies drip like a spout.  
 
I disbelieve my own reality all over again, you're lay In my bed.
 
While I'm sat downstairs crumbling in my head.
 
Sick to death, mourning my child, wanting just silence.  
 
Yet cracking at another failed romance, another touch I let hold my frame.  
 
A body not ready for love, why do I put myself in situations I can't seem to rise above.  
 
The words utter from your lips and I'm bewildered.  
 
The guilt party has left the circus and I refrain to remain.  
 
No more love breaks, I appreciate all you so but in reality, my reality... Im not ready.  
 
I'm not ready at all..  
I'm not ready to fall.  
I'm not ready.
This isn't steady but pretty heavy.  
 
I a ruin.  
 
Better alone, to nurture my first born, to not blink another forgotten yawn..
 
I know who I am and it scares me everyday.