Living in Grey

Interesting is this new feeling
This desire to be gray
Not wanting to understand life
Wishing my subconscious would just fade way
In a world of black and white
I couldn't get hurt
Decisions were easy either it is or it isn't
Yes or no
Indecisiveness wasn't allowed
Yet in this gray I can lie to myself
I can deny my beauty and my self-worth
I can draw on a smile and I can pretend I am happy
In my own denial bubble
I can wrap my arms around him and fake it
As I scream out his name
I can deny the visions of him doing to me
What he's done with what's there names
I can ignore the pains radiating from my chest
I can close my eyes and vision the love
I felt before he made me go left
I can live in gray
I really think I can
So many live in it
And their denial
I now comprehend
I understand how reality is a horrible satanic dream
And to be honest denial
Ain’t really all the bad
Until that bitch called
Truth
Creeps back in but in gray
You can choose to ignore her
Turn a death ear to the secrets she tells
And if 'in love' is where you want to be
Gray can help you
Stay blind to her visions as well
Tell you I’m looking forward to my life
In gray
Looking forward to lying to myself everyday
I've always wanted to avoid my eyes
In the mirror
And not saying exactly
What I think was curious
How many jars of my tears, I can collect
How many pillows I can drench
In a lie called loved
I've never been good at lying to anyone
But in gray
I am about to see if I am any good at lying to myself...
Don’t laugh at me to those of you who know me let me learn this lesson by myself