deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lost In An Anxiety Dream
The dream,
An early morning awakening.
Past and present merge.
I’m in an unfamiliar place,
Staring at a concrete intersection,
Searching for known landmarks,
Trying to establish which way to go.
Each road leads to confusion.
Isolation.
Echoes of childhood have vanished for ever,
The familiar buildings replaced by office blocks,
And I stand alone by the crossroads, lost and without purpose.
An early morning awakening.
Past and present merge.
I’m in an unfamiliar place,
Staring at a concrete intersection,
Searching for known landmarks,
Trying to establish which way to go.
Each road leads to confusion.
Isolation.
Echoes of childhood have vanished for ever,
The familiar buildings replaced by office blocks,
And I stand alone by the crossroads, lost and without purpose.
Published 19th Feb 2019
Author's Note
I've had a keen interest in dreams for years and believe they reveal much about the inner processes of the mind.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
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comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
19th Feb 2019 8:51am
Hello.
I too have always been quite fascinated with dreams so it was appealing to read something on the subject matter.
Now on to the constructive part — This piece is good in its content, however the punctuation hinders the piece slightly. I read all pieces out loud and found myself contantly stumbling because of an overuse of full stops and commas here. The double spacing on the lines also hinders the flow of the piece.
I’d also like to suggest the removal of the first line, as “an early morning awakening” is a much stronger opener.
Enjoyed the content nevertheless. Thank you for sharing.
-M
I too have always been quite fascinated with dreams so it was appealing to read something on the subject matter.
Now on to the constructive part — This piece is good in its content, however the punctuation hinders the piece slightly. I read all pieces out loud and found myself contantly stumbling because of an overuse of full stops and commas here. The double spacing on the lines also hinders the flow of the piece.
I’d also like to suggest the removal of the first line, as “an early morning awakening” is a much stronger opener.
Enjoyed the content nevertheless. Thank you for sharing.
-M
19th Feb 2019 9:55am
Thanks very much for your suggestions. I hadn't even considered the issue of punctuation.
19th Feb 2019 10:27pm
19th Feb 2019 10:31pm
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Dec 2020 6:45pm
27th Feb 2019 3:45pm
<< post removed >>
27th Feb 2019 6:16pm
30th Oct 2023 11:48am
30th Oct 2023 7:58pm
Thanks again, wolfatthedoor. I feel that the first commenter made a good point though - the double spacing and punctuation hinder the flow and imagery (unfortunately, difficult to remove format, despite numerous attends).
Regards,
Lawrence
Regards,
Lawrence
