My Mental Self Story

My Mental Self Story
My whole life I’ve been told my Dad is “Mentally Ill” we have so much documentation from doctors, he’s living off disability checks now at my sisters house and has been institutionalized over 50 (probably more) times. I always wondered why my older sister had undying loyalty towards him. Daddy’s girl, I thought, because of how my mind had been conditioned by the world to think. It had been also speculated that her unconditional love for him was because she, “got to meet the real him.” Me being the youngest and loyal to my mother I always took her point of view and side on things when they were still married. I was a true “momma’s boy”, to my own detriment. Until I encountered my Big Brother’s music...Scott Mescudi showed me a world of freedom I didn’t believe possible. The whole time I’m listening to the Man on The Moon I think to myself, “Man If my dad was talking like this (and he did at first) my mom would lock his ass up soo fast.” It started to dawn on me that my mother was in fact the mentally unstable one and she was so fierce and determined to force her ways on him they would fight like hungry wolves over a piece of meat. He, like myself, made two costly mistakes. One, he kept trying to change who she was instead of accepting who she is. Two, he continued to feed into her anger by reacting in anger. The constant cycle of anger, screaming and yelling led to his demise. He was a loyal father that would never leave his children no matter what, he showed me what real true unconditional love is. The fights would get extremely intense and irrational. I can just picture my mother getting in his face screaming with her soul, “Hit me motherfucker!” Or “ooh you probably wanna hit me right now don’t you, you’re just like your father!” Let’s fast forward to me a few years ago. A 24 year old college dropout who chose his Art of cooking and passion for Music above all else (both interests sparked by my fathers passion). I was lost in the world because my two favorite things in this world happen to be two of the most toxic environments in this country. The frustration built and built so much I began lashing out at my boss at work, not because I was manic or anything but because I was so passionate and was taught to do right by good people my whole life. A person who comes from a place of pure love will be the most troubled person in this cold world. The best thing to do is to rise above the negativity and accept things you can’t change while moving forward wholeheartedly. I ended up getting fired from my job because I wanted to leave sick one day and the owner wouldn’t let me. I was feeling quite terrible that day and needed rest, so I tried to leave. That didn’t work out well but that’s a different story. By dumb circumstance (which isn’t how all greatness occurs?) an idea dawned on me that could not only help others but help patch the broken system of the food industry. What also came across my path during this time was an audio book by the Artist MOD SUN called Did I Ever Wake up, the emphasis in this story is the Law Of Attraction. I saw the bigger picture in my mind and I went for it, stating my goals to the universe. My two key mistakes that I could’ve controlled. Stating the overall big picture in my mind at first was a mistake because people don’t share my vision. My thoughts came off as “grandios.” My most costly mistake was continuing to react to my mother in anger, like my father did, so much to the point where I started threatening her. Anyone who knows my mom knows she’s a true cunt, does the best she can, but she’s just like my Grandma and I’m pretty sure my Grandma was a demon. Back to the story though...my mother, manipulated the situation to the reality created in her mind. She saw something she wanted to see, so she made it happen. Her mentality became her reality as the Law Of Attraction States. After being essentially set up and locked up in a mental hospital, I continued to lash out in anger making myself look mentally ill. On top of that, there was history of “Mental Illness” in my family so that judgment was placed on me before I even had a chance. We were actually “locked up” together at one point. Let’s fast forward to now...I started letting my own insecurities and passion get in my way once again. So much to the point where I thought I had lost my “everything”. So I adopted this mindset once again and started living this way, at first I was heading down the wrong path feeding into her anger as I always have. To the point where she accused me of being “manic” and I need to get help now before, “your girlfriend leaves you.” Knowing at this point I had already resolved things with her and was committed to making change. After reading those texts and overwhelming sense of peace hit me all at once. She had just validated everything ive ever suspected to be true. I’m a firm believer that mental illness isn’t real it’s all it’s in your mind. The best way I can show that to others is being committed to making real change. How will I do that? Share my life story with others. Trust me...it’s an extraordinary tale.