jealousy.

jealousy. I know I shouldn't feel it she's my bestfriend. but I'm not jealous towards her. I'm jealous of what she's got. and no, it's not cause she's got MY boyfriend.. if it wasn't for her we would still be together..

but I'm not jealous of her and I'm not jealous of her for havin him. I'm jealous for what they have. something I don't for once. love. I used to always have it I had a touch. and it just disappeared when I needed it. I always need it. and after those nine months with T I couldn't help but feel lifeless, loveless, I couldn't feel anything. I can't trust anyone I never did never could. theres no such thing as love. lust? maybe not even though. not for me never for me. for everyone else ofcourse but I'll be in this world with no love or lust for a while now. I need focus. I need determination. determination not to be desperate. I need to know that there can't and won't be a man holding me always. I get attached with that person and I don't want it.. I don't want anything..