The error in me

Hurt feelings
Twisted knife
I fall defeated
On my side
My love for you
made me blind
Who could let
such a betrayal slide?
This girl could,
this boy can
Such a thin line
between a trans boy
and a man
Yet as the dust settles
Id do it all again
For you to say you love me
and
whisper your demands
They say fear
is not what makes the heart grow fonder
Yet
as my soul writhed for the kinder
M
O
M
E
N
T
S
 i was left to wonder
Was i
the catalyst that broke you?
Was Every new crack in your veneer
my mistake?
Oh the plunges through you
i was willing to take,
the ice cold of you
i was willing to bear,
the isolated tundra
 i was willing to share.

Then one day
I learned that
there was never anything there.
There is a fondness for me you cannot shake,
but your empty inside,
no one is skilled enough
to abide;
the
s h  r i  e  k  i  n  g
highs and lows
of your tides,
I wasn’t special,
and I never could be “the one”.
The red flags and broken promises
were reason enough
to run,
but here i am
beneath your broken beams,
the weight of your late night
beer breath,
friendly fire and silent screams.
i tried using your strong shoulders
for support
but you cast me down
and called me a whore
and all the while
you looked
so bored.