dizzy head talking

I miss the dorm room
always looking back at me
like there's something I should be doing
if I had all my time to myself
I would be an absolute lunatic

but coffee at Highland
and the blessed vegan cookies.
I'd study and pay homage to old loves
and test material for hours
and hours and hours at a time.

I miss the books,
the language between friends,
the quiet
and quickness of each day.

well now.
drunker and drunker becomes the poet.
like fitting clothes.
like finally,
you can talk.
the springs attached to your vocal cords
that kept silence
like keeping a heart beating? -
fuck it,
anything it takes to squirm out of those,
even a caramel-whiskey-in-coffee day
family out for the movies.
the pictures.
I can't sit still that long.
too starved of feeling am i.
how. fucking. sad.

but I keep swallowing.
so it can't be all that bad.